#I might need to check S2 as well | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

avis-writeshq · 1 year ago

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02 — haunted

summary: “something’s gone terribly wrong, you’re all i wanted.”/“you’re not gone, you can’t be gone.” pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader genre: best friends to lovers, hurt/comfort, fluff, angst warnings: rated 16+ for alcohol, religious talk (inaccurate portrayal of Christianity), vomit, INCREDIBLY CANON COMPLIANT ‼️IF YOU WERE TRIGGERED BY S2 EP15 REVELATIONS IN CRIMINAL MINDS, DO NOT READ THIS‼️ wc: 10.1k a/n: another special mention to @astrophileous for beta reading and hyping me up!! love you loads zahra 🤎 (she's also doing an AMAZING derek morgan series that i have the honour in beta-in so if you have time please do check it out!! it is an absolute work of art) SPARKS FLY MASTERLIST // MAIN MASTERLIST

There is never a dull day when working at the BAU. After weeks of cases and paperwork, a night out was exactly what everyone needed. A place to get drunk, have fun and unwind– and O'Keefe's was the exact place to do just that.

“You know, you can at least try to look like you’re having fun,” Emily muses, nudging your shoulder.

Emily joined the team soon after Elle had resigned, and as much as you missed your friend, you enjoyed Emily’s company. She’s too observant for her own good; grinning at you from across the room whenever you have the slightest interaction with certain people. She’s a brilliant addition to the team, much to your chagrin, but you know it’s all in good fun. Well, all in good fun for her.

You shoot her a playful glare, sipping on your drink. “I am having fun!”

“Liar,” Emily says instantly, grinning at you. “C’mon, what’s going on?”

“Nothing,” you deny, “I’m just tired. Things have been… busy to say the least. I’m just glad that the team is getting some R&R. Well deserved, might I add. How are you? You know, with joining the team and all that.”

She smiles in your direction before downing a shot and shrugging. “It’s been good! Yeah, everyone is so… welcoming. It’s nice.”

“Different to a desk job?” You ask with a teasing lilt in your voice.

Emily laughs softly. “Yeah, totally.”

Your gaze shifts to where Spencer is sitting, for once enjoying himself in such a crowded area. He’s talking to two strangers at a table, his hands gesticulating as he explains something and the two people seem thoroughly amused.

“So… Spencer, huh?”

You frown. “Why does everyone keep saying that?”

Emily laughs, “You’re staring at him with heart eyes. Anyone can tell. Except for him, apparently.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“For a profiler, you’re a horrible liar.”

You let out something that sounds akin to a dying cow, turning your attention back to your drink. Your attention wavers and it shifts back to Spencer who is enthusiastically talking about something to the two amused guests. He grins at them as they drink, his own cup still full. Derek is thoroughly enjoying himself as he dances with a group of girls, and you can see Aaron and Haley dancing together on the floor as well. It’s wholesome, seeing everyone in their casual wear and just having fun.

“You should talk to him,” Emily tries again, nudging you. “I’ll buy you a drink if you do.”

You raise an eyebrow. “You’re bribing me to talk to my best friend?”

“I’m bribing you to give me entertainment,” she corrects, laughing.

“You’re horrible,” you tell her, smiling, as you walk past her in Spencer’s direction. “I expect that drink to be delivered to me.”

“Deal!” She calls after you, downing a shot as she watches you.

Spencer smiles when he sees you make your way over to him, shuffling his chair to the side to give you more room.

“Hi,” he murmurs, pulling your seat closer to him. “Having fun?”

“I should be asking that to you,” you respond, smiling. The two people he was once talking to take their leave, giggling about something you couldn’t quite make out. “I didn’t mean to scare away your company.”

He immediately shakes his head at your words. “I’d rather talk to you anyway.”

You can’t help the silly grin that spreads across your face or the way your cheeks heat up and you cough. “Well, I hope I can live up to your expectations.”

Spencer laughs, his hand gravitating to your knee and he squeezes good-naturedly. “You exceed them.”

You think he’s trying to kill you and you swear you stop breathing as you choke out, “I’m glad.”

It isn’t long before Emily makes good on her promise, and a waiter appears on your left. He presents a drink to your table, the glass adorned with a lemon rind and a raspberry, and you eagerly take a gulp.

Spencer frowns a little as he watches you drink. “Aren’t you going to question who it’s from?”

“I know who it’s from,” you respond cheerfully, letting out a contented sigh. You offer the drink to him, moving the straw so that it’s pointing in his direction. “Want some?”

He eyes the pink drink suspiciously. “What is it?”

“It’s a Pink Bikini!” You chirp, sipping the drink again. “Like… coconut rum, raspberries, and lemonade. It’s good, Spence, you can barely taste the alcohol.”

His nose scrunches at the idea of coconut rum. “I dunno.”

“You’re not gonna get drunk from one sip,” you protest happily, a little tipsy. “It’s good! Besides, how do you know you’re not going to like it if you never try it?”

“You’re literally drunk right now!” He points out, laughing a little and moving the drink out of your reach. “Give it to me.”

“That’s only because I had a couple drinks earlier,” you argue, lunging for the glass. You’re quick but Spencer is quicker (and taller), and he chugs the drink before slamming it back onto the table. “Spencer!”

He grins at you, smacking his lips as he plays with the paper straw. “I’m protecting you, (Y/N). Who knows what you would’ve done if you drank any more.”

“You’re insufferable,” you chastise half-heartedly, “I was thirsty.”

“I have water,” he says, fishing a plastic bottle out of his satchel. He cracks the lid open, taking a sip himself before passing it to you. “Drinking even moderate amounts of alcohol can lead to dehydration. Drinking water slows down this effect, allowing the liver to metabolise the alcohol that was already consumed. This also means you won’t have as bad a hangover tomorrow morning.”

You beam at him, taking tentative sips from his water bottle. The fact that you’re drinking from the same bottle as him is not lost on you, nor the fact that he finished your drink by using your straw– your lipgloss stained straw– and he didn’t even bat an eye.

“What would I do without you?” You croon, handing his bottle back.

“Probably die of dehydration,” he responds, taking one last gulp of water, before returning the bottle back to his bag.

“Ah, yes, that’s right,” you laugh again, beaming at him. You’re not sure if it’s from the drinks, but you can feel your cheeks begin to flush. Did it get hotter in here?

“Hey, sorry to be the bearer of bad news but we have a case,” JJ pats your shoulder sympathetically, frowning. “Horrible timing, but it’s urgent.”

You all but whine. “But I’m tipsy.”

“I’ve got aspirin in my bag,” JJ says, “you’ll be fine.”

“Stupid serial killer,” you huff, getting up from your seat. “They owe me a day off.”

***

“You know it never fails. Just as I’m getting my groove thang going, bam! We’re back at the BAU,” Derek says, pouring himself a much needed cup of coffee and sitting at the roundtable.

Spencer shrugs. “You know, statistically, a case doesn’t come in with any more frequency if you’re at a party or gathering than if you aren’t. It’s a… trick of the mind. We merely remember the ones that came in that way more.”

“Besides, how long does it take for you to get your ‘groove thang’ going anyway?” You tease, sipping from your own cup of coffee, and Emily cackles from beside you.

“Only when he’s sleeping,” Gideon comments, walking into the conference room and taking off his coat.

Hotch’s brows raise in a mixture of surprise and concern. “Where were you tonight?”

“I told you, I went to the Smithsonian,” he grunts as he sits into his chair.

“You missed a good time,” Emily insists, smiling.

“I had a good time,” Gideon responds, his attention turning back to the screen where JJ was getting ready to present the latest case.

“Well, that’s definitely over,” she says, flicking the screen on. “Georgia. The Kyles– Dennis and Lacy– were murdered an hour ago in the suburban Atlanta home.”

Hotch’s brows raise in surprise. “An hour ago?”

JJ nods. “Police were on the scene unusually fast.”

“Why?” Derek asks, leaning over the table.

“One of the UnSubs called them and told them that the other was about to murder the victims.”

You huff out a laugh in disbelief. “You’re kidding.”

“From inside the house.” JJ purses her lips, gesturing to the transcript that was printed out in their files. “According to the dispatcher, the first male sounded terrified and begged them to get there before the other, who they both identified as Raphael, was about to kill the sinners that lived there.”

“‘Sinners’?” Hotch echoes.

JJ nods again, a grimace painted over her features. “The 911 centre is going to send Garcia the tape.”

“How fast was the police response time?” Spencer asks, glancing at the screen.

“Four minutes, twenty-six seconds. During which time Raphael was able to do…” JJ clicks a button on the remote and an array of gruesome crime scene photos popped up onto the screen. “This.”

“In four and a half minutes?” Emily asks incredulously, frowning.

Garcia immediately turns away from the screen, clutching her mug closer to her chest. You can’t help but cringe as well from the violence presented in the photos: blood everywhere, smeared across the walls and floors of the house, and the victims lifeless.

“Mr. Kyle is a dot-com millionaire. His company is one of the largest employers in the community. There’s going to be media coverage. Also, when they arrived, the police found this displayed prominently on the bed.”

Another image appears on the screen, this time a page of the Bible placed into a plastic evidence bag with a certain section highlighted.

“Revelation, Chapter 6, Verse 8,” Hotch reads for the rest of the team.

Derek can’t help but scoff. “They’re killing sinners.”

“These guys are on a mission. And mission-based killers will not stop killing,” Spencer says with a wince.

“‘And I looked, and behold, a pale horse, and his name that sat upon him was Death,” Hotch begins, eyes trained on the Bible page.

Gideon continues, his voice quiet and grim, “And Hell followed with him.”

***

You sigh tiredly as you slump into the seat beside Spencer, playing with the cap of your water bottle. The sky outside is painted in oranges and purples as the sun begins to rise, and you try to hold back the frustrated groan when you see the blaring ‘4:22AM’ flash on your watch.

“Is everything okay?” Spencer asks quietly, looking over at you.

You shake your head, running your fingers through your hair. “I just… I have a bad feeling about this case. There’s something… off about it.”

He hums in thought, “we’ve dealt with religious motives before, though.”

“I know but just–” you huff, leaning against the headrest. “It’s just weird. I mean, usually if one of the UnSubs were partnered with someone who was a liability, they’d eliminate them. But that’s just not happening here.”

“Don’t think about the case,” Spencer says gently, resting the palm of his hand flat against your knee. “It’ll be fine, trust me.”

When you don’t respond, he pokes your cheek gently shooting you a lopsided smile. “Hey. It’ll be okay.”

“I hope it will be,” you respond quietly, moving so that your cheek is pressed against his shoulder. “But you saw those images; what the UnSubs can do in less than five minutes. I know it’s nothing we haven’t seen before but–”

“(Y/N).” He squeezes your knee again and you flush as he continues to speak. “It’ll be okay. We’ll be back home before you know it. Trust me.”

You nod, although you can’t shake this feeling off. “Promise you’ll be safe?”

Spencer smiles at you. “Promise.”

***

“I think I’m gonna be sick,” you mutter, turning away as the video of Mr. Kyle being murdered plays on repeat. Your stomach churns at the mere mental image that pops up in your mind, and a chill run downs your spine.

The case is a lot more gruesome than you expected it to be, especially when it came to the team’s attention that a video of the murder was circulating the internet. The video was currently being played on loop, with the voice of the UnSubs playing out of the computer. You thought you saw it all but this was unlike anything you’ve ever experienced.

That is, until Spencer stood from his seat.

“Agent Franks?” He whispers, looking towards the lead detective. “Does this building have wireless internet?”

Agent Franks nods. “Yeah. Why?”

Spencer swallows, gesturing to the computer. “That camera’s on right now. The computer has connected itself to the internet; it’s streaming a video feed somewhere.”

Hotch’s concern only deepens, along with the frown on his face. “Can we trace the stream to the destination?”

“If we keep it open, Garcia might be able to–” Spencer begins, only to be cut off by a beeping from the computer.

In bright red lettering, the words: ‘THE ARMIES OF SATAN SHALL NOT PREVAIL’ flash against the black screen before turning off.

“So, they’re controlling it remotely?” Hotch asks, his arms crossed over his chest.

“Is that even possible?” Emily asks in disbelief.

“Yeah, you can totally access someone’s computer remotely. It’s actually done a lot today when a mortal calls for tech support. Instead of giving you instructions the tech can work on your computer from wherever she is,” Garcia explains through the phone.

“And they maintain the access even after the work is done?” Hotch asks.

“They’re not supposed to, but I suppose you could install a Trojan horse.”

Spencer turns to Gideon. “Something left in the computer to be turned on later. It’s the same way that websites get pop-up ads onto your computer.”

“Garcia can you check the Kyles’ phone records and see if they called tech support in the last six months?” Hotch requests as he flips through the Kyle family’s folder.

“Right-o. Oh, and if you get me the laptop I can search the drive for anything implanted there.”

Hotch nods. “As fast as we can.”

“By the way, this video? It’s gone crazy viral.”

Gideon frowns. “What does that mean?”

“That means it’s the most downloaded video on the entire Internet. Worldwide. And judging by the responses people seem to think it’s pretty cool.”

“Call us if you find anything on the Kyles’ computer,” Hotch mutters, before the phone hangs up.

“Honestly, they probably don’t even realise that the video is real,” you say quietly, pinching the bridge of your nose. “I mean, you see a video on the internet. The last thing you’d think is that it’s actual people being murdered.”

“They probably think that it’s marketing for a horror film or something,” JJ adds on, but the look on her face is just as disgusted.

“Well, the UnSubs were right about one thing,” Derek mutters, nodding grimly. “The world is pretty screwed up.”

***

After hours of going through files and trying to find a paper trail, you’re left with a mountain of paperwork in front of you and sore eyes. You press the pads of your fingers against the corner of your eyes, slumping over the table.

“Hey.”

Spencer’s voice brings you out of your thoughts and you peek a look at him. “Hm?”

A takeaway cup of coffee is placed in front of you and you immediately perk up. He chuckles softly, patting your head. “You looked like you needed it.”

You spy the name written across the paper cup and frown. “It’s your coffee.”

“You need it more than me,” he says honestly, smiling. “Besides, I’m okay.”

You take a tentative sip of the drink, the sweetness of the sugar overwhelming the bitter taste of the coffee but you don’t mind it. Instead, you didn’t actually mind it; especially because it’s from him.

“Thank you,” you murmur. “We can share it if you want.”

He shakes his head ‘no’, turning back to the files on the page. “Where did you get up to?”

“Nowhere special. Agent Franks is right; there’s nothing in any of the files relating to knife fights that are remotely similar to the case,” you say, slumping against the table and leaning your head on your arm. “I’ve got six or so left to go through but I’m not getting much luck anyway.”

At that moment, JJ enters the room, holding another cream coloured file. “What if we were looking at this the wrong way?”

Hotch turns to her. “What do you mean?”

“I looked for unsolved home invasions. Three months ago there was a prowler called in directly outside of the Kyles’ house.”

Your brows knit together at her words and look up at her. “A prowler?”

JJ nods. “The witness was walking his dog in a nearby park. Going back to his car, he saw a man in dark clothing go over the back wall and start sneaking up to the house. By the time the police got there, the prowler was gone.”

“Only one man?” Hotch asks.

“Apparently.”

“Was the witness able to describe the man?” Spencer questions.

JJ looks into the papers before shaking her head. “If he did, it’s not in this case file.

Hotch looks at JJ then back at the corkboard. “Is there a name and address to the witness?”

“Tobias Hankel,” JJ reads. “Lives about an hour from here.”

Hotch lets out a heavy sigh, rubbing his eyes. “It’s a long shot, but he might be able to give us a description. Why don’t you and Reid go out there, see if you can find Mr Hankel, and see if he remembers anything.”

You immediately frown, perking up at his words. “I can go too, sir. There’s a safety in numbers.”

“You’re exhausted and we need you here,” Hotch says, immediately shutting your suggestion down. “We don’t need three people to talk to a witness.”

Your face falls and your stomach churns. “I understand that, sir, but it’s late and wouldn’t it be safer if more people go?”

“We’ll be fine,” Spencer reassures, squeezing your arm. “We’ll be armed and we’ve got our phones.”

A small breath escapes you and you nod slowly, chewing your bottom lip. “Okay. Be safe.”

He smiles. “I will.”

JJ snickers lightly, turning to Hotch. “Be safe,” she echoes, grinning.

Hotch can’t help but chuckle as he returns with, “I’ll be so safe.”

“Oh shut up,” you laugh, rolling your eyes. “I’m gonna kill you.”

JJ grins. “But how will that keep us safe?”

You throw an eraser at her shoulder in response and she laughs loudly, walking out of the room. Spencer squeezes your arm again, rubbing your shoulder through the fabric of his jumper before following after her.

It isn’t long before the lead detective rushes into the room, his words flying out of his mouth. “Agent Hotchner, we got another murder.”

***

“Tobias Hankel is the UnSub.”

Five words is all it takes for your world to come crashing down around you. Hankel? The UnSub? Your mouth is dry as the head detective explains about the dogs and you think you’re going to throw up. Your mind spins and your chest pounds with anxiety because oh God, what’s going to happen to the others?

“We sent Spencer and JJ there,” you whisper, your throat closing up. You tug desperately at your collar, trying to breathe. “Oh my God, we sent them there. We sent them there.”

“Hey, hey,” Derek is quick to ground you, gripping your shoulders firmly. “They’ll be okay. It’s Spencer Genius Reid and Jennifer Bad-ass Jareau. They’ll be okay.”

You shake your head firmly, pulling away from his grasp and clutching your head. “I should be there with them. I should have gone with them. We don’t know what Tobias is capable of, Morgan, something could have happened to them.”

“We’re dispatching police now,” the detective says, getting off the phone.

Tears spill from the corners of your eyes and you try to keep your breathing steady. It doesn’t work. The room is spinning and you can’t see straight. The words your team are trying to get through to you fades into background noise and you let out a choked sob.

“They could be–” Your words don’t make it off your tongue and you turn, gesturing to the black screen that was once playing the video of the woman and the dogs. “Oh my God.”

“(Y/N),” Emily holds your shoulders tightly, her words a mixture of firmness and care as she tries to snap you out of it. “They’re going to be okay. We have to go there now.”

“They can’t be gone. Spencer can’t be gone,” you say, more to yourself than anything. “Yeah. Okay. Let’s go. We have to find them.”

The others don’t need to be told twice. You get into the passenger seat with Emily, trying to calm your breathing. One hour is too long. Why does Tobias have to live so far away? You press the palm of your hand to your mouth, the lump in your throat getting bigger. Hot tears fall down your cheeks as the world becomes a blur of flashing lights and you try not to cry. It’s your fault. You should have been there with him. There’s safety in numbers. Why didn’t you trust your gut?

“Don’t do that,” Emily says sternly, gripping the wheel tighter.

You can’t bring yourself to respond, merely shaking your head adamantly.

“Stop blaming yourself,” Emily tries again, glancing at you for a second before turning her attention back to the road. “It’s not your fault.”

“I should be there with them.” Your voice cracks pathetically and you wipe furiously at your eyes.

“You couldn’t have known.”

“I should have.”

She looks at you again. “Stop. You couldn’t have known. It’s not your fault.”

The rest of the car ride is silent. You’ve learned that this is the hardest part of the job: losing someone. Losing someone because of a job. It seems ridiculous, considering that it’s something so miniscule in the grand scheme of things, and yet it is the most common factor in divorces. A lack of commitment. Instead of committing to something that actually matters and can’t be replaced, their attention turns to something so lacklustre. If Spencer were here he would tell you the exact statistics. If Spencer were here, you wouldn’t even need to think about the statistics.

The sound of sirens echo through the once quiet country area and the police officers file out of their cars. You fasten your Kevlar vest over your chest hastily, fumbling with the clasps as you jump out of the car.

“John, Bobby, take the house with Hotch, Gideon and (L/N),” the captain orders, pointing towards the house.

Your stomach lurches as Hotch busts the door open, and you move upstairs with your gun pointed out.

“Clear!” You yell, rendezvousing with Hotch and Gideon soon after.

“Downstairs is clear,” Hotch says, nodding towards you.

“Then where the hell is he?” Gideon mutters, looking around the rooms of the house.

The blood rushes to your ears and the air grows thick. You can’t breathe. The house is unmaintained with mould growing in the corners of the rooms and dust gathering on the shelves, the paint on the walls cracking from water damage. Your eyes sting as the air pricks at your skin, and your legs carry you down the stairs and out the house.

“JJ,” you breathe, your eyes wide as you meet the blonde sitting at the back of an ambulance. You pull her into a hug. “You’re okay.”

It’s a different JJ to what you’re used to. She’s always been put together with not a hair out of place. She’s usually so full of life and mirth, bringing a sense of serenity and security when you need it most but this…

Her blue eyes are red and puffy from crying and she’s shaking miserably against your body. She scratches at her wrists and picks at the bandages, her bottom lip trembling. Her gun is set beside her, not in the holster she usually carries it in.

“(Y/N),” she sobs, her voice cracking. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“What happened?” You demand. “Where’s Spencer?”

“I’m so sorry,” she repeats, shaking her head. “I tried–”

“Where is he, Jennifer?” You ask, pulling away from her like she burned you. “Where is he?”

She sobs again, clutching her head. “I don’t know, we separated–”

“What do you mean you separated?!” You’re trying not to scream. Your thoughts are running a million miles an hour. Spencer is gone. He’s gone. “Why would you do that?”

Jennifer lets out a wail, trying to explain herself through broken words. “We didn’t– he said– I’m sorry I’m sorry–”

“‘Sorry’ doesn’t bring him here, does it?” The words are harsh and low, and you tug at your collar again. “He’s not here, Jennifer! Does that mean nothing to you?!”

“(L/N), that’s enough.”

Hotch’s voice makes you snap your head in his direction and you see red.

“I told you I should have gone with them,” you snap, and it doesn’t even occur to you that this man is your boss. “If I went with them, Spencer would still be here right now!”

“(L/N).”

“No.” You glare at him menacingly, too deep in your anger to even comprehend anything else. “He should be here right now! He should– he should be spouting out statistics or coming up with some theory! He should be here and he’s not!”

“We’ll find him. Trust me.”

“I did!” You yell, your voice fervent. “I trusted your judgement! And look where that got us. Spencer is gone. He’s not here, Hotch, because I trusted you!”

“(Y/N), enough.” Hotch is firm and he stares you down. “That is enough, do I need to remind you who you are speaking to?”

In an instant you stop, your heart lurching and you quiver. “... This is my fault.”

He immediately shakes his head no. “It’s not your fault.”

“I should have gone with him. I should have– it’s my fault. It’s my fault.” Your eyes well with tears and you tug at your hair erratically. “He can’t be gone. He’s not gone. He’ll figure something out. Why didn’t I do something? I should have–”

“Stop it. (Y/N), stop.” Hotch grips your shoulders squarely, bending down so that he’s eye level with you. “Take deep breaths.”

Your lungs burn as you try to breathe, hot ragged breaths leaving your lips shakily as you cover your face with the palms of your hands. Tears fall down your cheeks and gather in your hands as you make a desperate attempt to calm yourself down. It’s all too much. The sky is pitch black and the feeling of cold rain stings and bites your skin. The sounds of sirens fade away and for a moment it’s just quiet. Quiet, except for the words and the voices that swirl in your mind.

“A man that matches Hankel’s description was spotted in the next town over.”

Derek’s words bring you out of your thoughts and you manage a soft, “What?”

“Alright,” Hotch nods, before turning back to you. “Go back to the police department.”

“What?” Your ears are ringing. You must have heard wrong. “No. No, no, I can’t– no, Hotch, I’m not going back to the police department. Spencer is missing.”

“You’re too close to the case.”

A humourless laugh leaves your lips as you stare at him. “We’re all too close to the case, Hotch. Look around!”

“You attacked JJ and you raised your voice at me. I want you to go back to the police department and work the case from there.” He speaks to you as if he were speaking to a child and it makes you feel sick.

“Oh, so you’re punishing me?”

“No, I’m using you,” he says firmly, and then his voice softens. “It won’t do you any good to be here, (Y/N), you know that.”

“Aaron,” you try again, your voice wavering. “Please, don’t do this to me.”

“Go back and find us something that we can use.” He turns to one of the policemen. “Make sure she gets there.”

The policeman nods, tipping his hat, and gesturing for you to follow him.

“Wait I– let me talk to JJ. I need– just, please,” you say quickly, clearing your throat. “Sir.”

He’s sceptical before nodding. “Go ahead.”

You don’t need to be told twice. In moments you turn back to the ambulance, letting out a heavy breath. “I’m sorry.”

JJ shakes her head adamantly. “No, you’re right. It was my fault.”

“It’s not,” you say quietly. “I know Spencer and I know you. It was… probably his idea to split up.”

She smiles wryly, fiddling at the bandage on her arm.

“It’s not your fault,” you say again. You’re not sure who you’re trying to convince anymore. “You went through something too and I ignored that and that wasn’t right of me. I’m sorry.”

JJ sniffles, pursing her lips. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be,” you respond quietly, patting her arm. “I need to go. Um, Hotch wants me off the case, or something.”

She nods. “Okay.”

You look at her again, the guilt building like bile in your stomach. “I really am sorry.”

“I know,” she whispers, wiping the tears away from her eyes. “We’ll find him.”

You don’t respond.

***

Everything hurts. His head is pounding and he can feel the sticky blood drip from the side of his head and against his cheek. His feet hurt from each thwack of wood, and his wrists hurt from the handcuffs. It’s cold. So, so cold, and he feels so weak. No amount of knowledge or training could have prepared him for this.

Spencer’s throat throbs from crying. No matter how many times he tries to convince whatever personality is taking over Tobias, it never seems to work. What’s the point of being a profiler if he can’t even save himself?

The creaking of the door brings him out of his thoughts and he jolts. Tobias, at least who appears to be Tobias, enters the room carrying a slaughtered animal. A shiver runs down Spencer’s spine and all he can do is watch.

“You need to eat,” the man says, his voice strangely soft and oddly calm.

“What’s your name?” Spencer asks, his voice small.

The man looks back at him. “Tobias.”

“Tobias, who was here before?” The fear is obvious in his voice and Spencer just wishes for an ounce of Hotch’s stoicism or Derek’s bravery.

Tobias chuckles weakly. “It was probably my father. I’m sorry if he hurt you.”

Before he could comprehend his movements, Tobias takes off his belt and walks over to him. Spencer fears the worst. Did Tobias’s father take over again? He tries to inch away, struggling against the restraints as best he could.

“W-What are you doing?” Spencer asks shakily, trying to pull away from him.

Tobias doesn’t respond, slipping one end of the belt above his elbow. Everything begins to click.

“No, no. Don’t. Please, please don’t.” He resorts to begging.

In this moment, Spencer hates the way his mind works because he doesn’t need to know the statistics. He doesn’t need to know that 75% of drug abusers started out using pain killers. His head swirls with what Tobias could be using. Codeine? Heroin? Opium? The list goes on and he tries to keep his breathing steady.

“It helps,” Tobias says, ignoring the way Spencer trembles and shakes his head adamantly. “Don’t tell my father. He doesn’t know they’re here.”

Tobias takes the syringe and the bottle out of his pocket and Spencer sobs even harder. He tries to appease him again, shrinking away as best he could in his chair.

“Please,” he tries again, his chest heaving and tears wetting his waterline. “Please, I don’t want it, I don’t want it.”

“Trust me. I know.”

“Please,” he begs, tears slipping down his cheeks. “Don’t.”

Tobias doesn’t listen.

The effects are far too quick for codeine, heroin or opium and Spencer can feel it hit. He knows it’s wrong. He can go on for hours about the statistics about it but the feeling so euphoric that he can’t help it. And then he sees it.

“We have another recruit as well. Came in a couple weeks ago,” Derek told him, walking him through the halls of the BAU headquarters. “She’s part of the academy Honours program. Top of the class, apparently.”

“Oh.” Spencer nodded slowly, fidgeting with the zip of his bag.

Derek grinned. “Relax, kid. You still have the most impressive résumé. She’s just an intern; doing paperwork, mainly.”

“I wasn’t– I wasn’t worried about that,” Spencer stammered, wetting his bottom lip. “I mean– not that I think she isn’t smart or anything. I just meant–”

“Kid, I mean it when you have to relax,” Derek snorted as he opens up the door to the bullpen “Meet the rest of the team.”

He walked through the doors, ready to make his mark. He’s spent so long believing that he was nothing but now… he took another step, meeting Hotch’s gaze and– he didn’t get very far when something catapulted into his side. There was a flurry of paper work and cream coloured files, case details splayed all over the floor. Spencer grunted a little, tumbling to the ground like a house of cards.

“Oh, my God, I am– I am so sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going and I was running and I am not used to office attire! I am so sorry!”

The ramblings of a girl– she couldn’t be older than him, at least, not by much– filled Spencer’s ears and he grimaces. “No, it’s– it’s okay. Don’t– uh– don’t worry about it.”

“(Y/N)...” JJ huffed out a quiet laugh, helping the other girl to her feet. “Are you guys okay?”

“I’m okay,” Spencer said, slowly getting to his feet.

The girl didn’t do the same, instead scrambling to pick up the multitude of papers that litter the floor. “I’m fine! Just– great. Great. Brilliant.”

Spencer immediately started to reach for the papers, trying his best not crumple them up anymore than they already were. “You’re… the intern?”

“Is it that obvious?” You ask, breathless. “I’m still getting used to all…” You gesture wildly to the interior of the bullpen. “... this.”

“(Y/N), meet Doctor Spencer Reid. He’s the youngest addition to the team. Reid, meet (Y/N) (L/N). She’s part of the Academy Honours Program,” Gideon introduces, peering at the two of you from behind his glasses.

“Hi,” you said meekly, stretching out your hand.

His words hitched in his throat because once he’s gotten past the flying papers and the fact that you literally ran into him, he realises just how beautiful you are. You were right there in front of him, close enough to touch but–

“I don’t shake hands,” he said quietly, the anxiety gnawing at his stomach. His fingers twitch at his sides and he moves them to grip the handle of his satchel. “Sorry.”

You smile at him and his heart thunders in his chest. Is this how Romeo felt when he met Juliet? Or how Charles Bingley felt when he met Jane Bennett?

“It’s okay,” you told him, tucking the papers under your arm. “Don’t worry about it. So, you’re a doctor? That’s really cool!”

“Reid here got accepted into the BAU without even taking a physical exam,” Derek chimed in, practically bragging about Spencer’s intellectual prowess. “Isn’t that right, kid?”

“I’m not an athletic person,” Spencer said awkwardly, his worries dissipating when he heard you laugh good-naturedly. Regardless, he felt the urge to defend himself. “I’m not weak.”

JJ laughed along. “We know, Spencer.”

“I’m not weak… I’m not weak…”

“I don’t give a damn whether you’re weak or strong.”

Spencer barely manages to blink his eyes open as he hears the familiar timbre of Tobias’s father’s voice fill the room. He’s slowly coming down from the high of the drugs and the room spins as he does.

“Yell all you want boy,” Tobias sneers, bending down so that he’s eye level with Spencer. “Ain’t no one gonna hear you where you are.”

As if to prove his point, he begins to scream. Deep and rumbly, and it jolts Spencer back to reality. He wishes he was careful. He wishes he was with you.

***

“Tobias has dissociative identity disorder,” Garcia explains to you through the phone, and you slap a hand to your forehead.

“That makes so much sense,” You mutter to yourself, pacing around the room of the police department. “I should have seen it. It was right there in front of me and I missed it.”

Penelope hums, her voice tense with worry. “Don’t beat yourself up about it. No one knew until we started digging into the journals and cross-checking dates.”

“I know but–” You rub your eyes, cringing as stars litter your vision– “it was just so obvious. What else have you gotten?”

It has been a little over ten hours since Hotch sent you back to the police department and you haven’t gotten much sleep. You tried, you swear you tried, but every time you see the terrified face of Spencer and it makes you sick. The whiteboard in front of you is littered with different evidence files and profiles. Profiles on Tobias, profiles on the victims, geographical profiles… the list goes on.

“We know that Tobias is an addict,” Emily says. “He picked dilaudid as his poison.”

“For someone so hellbent on following the Bible, he’s incredibly hypocritical,” You say, jotting down the words onto the whiteboard.

“His personality is split into that of his father, Charles, and Raphael,” Emily continues, and you can hear the frown in her voice.

You’re about to say something when Garcia’s voice raises by an octave.

“Oh God,” she squeaks, and you can hear the clicking of keys in the background. “Morgan? Emily, get the others, oh my God!”

“What’s going on?” You demand urgently, gripping the phone tighter. “Garcia, what’s going on?”

“It’s Spencer,” her voice is hushed and far from the speaker, and your heart sinks to your stomach.

“What happened? Penelope, what happened?”

“We have to go,” she says hurriedly, and the sound of footsteps from the rest of the team fill the speaker.

“No! Wait, don’t hang—“

The sound of the prolonged dial tone echoes in your ears and you resist the urge to scream. You press the pads of your fingers to your eyes, hot tears wetting your skin. Crying will get you nowhere and you know that. You know that Spencer is holding on. He’s relying on the BAU to save him.

You gather all the available files on Charles Hankel, spreading them around the table. There’s not much to read; he’s lived a relatively quiet life. He was a farmer, his wife left him… dead end. Again. You’re at your wit’s end and you grab your keys.

“John, want to work on a federal case?” You ask, shaking your keys. The younger policeman nods eagerly and you point to the door. “Great. Let’s go.”

It’s a small country town in Atlanta. Someone has to know something, especially if Tobias was a drug abuser.

“We’re going to a few Narcotics Anonymous groups,” You explain to John who looks a little too excited to be sitting in a federal car. “Ask questions on Tobias Hankel and Charles Hankel. Someone has to know something.”

“All due respect, um, ma’am,” John stammers, and you raise an eyebrow amusedly. He coughs before continuing, “why aren’t you with the rest of the team?”

You falter, turning your attention back to the road. “They need me to work it from here. It doesn’t matter, anyway.”

Two miserable hours pass by with not much luck. Two hours that could have been used for something more meaningful than asking a bunch of drugged up assholes about the UnSub. Anxiety claws at your chest again as you flick through the answers. It’s nothing you didn’t already know.

“I got something,” John says a little breathlessly, jogging back over to you.

“Yes?” You need something. Anything.

“A few sheep were stolen off of a farmer’s property,” he says, flipping through the notebook and reading off his scrawny handwriting. “Wasn’t Charles a farmer?”

“What does that have to do with–” You feel your mouth go dry and you turn to him. “Which farm?”

“Which– um…” He swallows. “Mcallister? Shawn Mcallister.”

In seconds you’re dialling Garcia again and she picks up with a trembling, “hello?”

“Is Spencer alive?” You ask firmly, slamming the car door.

“Y-Yes. He’s– it’s not good, (Y/N),” she whimpers, clicking on the keyboard. “There was another murder. Spencer had to– he had to– he had to choose who to save. The UnSub fed a video to us, (Y/N), it’s horrible.”

There was another murder? John seizes up beside you and you grimace. You keep forgetting that John is practically a kid, barely twenty-one, and he hasn’t even seen the horrors of the world yet.

“But he came back, right? To Spencer?” You ask, gripping the steering wheel tighter in an effort to keep yourself steady. “Penelope, Tobias posted a video of the latest murder, right? When was it posted?”

“9:23,” she says woefully, typing away.

“Okay, and…” you check the police radio, biting your lip nervously. “Okay, it says that the call for the murder came in at 9:04.”

There’s a little static in the background along with some shuffling before she responds. “Um… okay?”

“John, I need a map. Where’s– goddamn it– where’s the map of the area, John?!”

He fumbles, spreading the paper open. “Here!”

“That road– it’s 60 miles an hour, right? That means he needs to be–” you scribble across the map, frowning. “That’s within seventeen miles of the crime scene. There’s a farm, uh, poaching or something. Mcallister farm?”

“We’ll find something,” Penelope says quietly. “I’ll try find the farm area. He is going to be okay, I promise.”

You let out a heavy breath. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

***

The guilt alone is enough to kill him. Spencer knows that he is not at fault for this; Gideon said so. Regardless, he can’t get their faces out of his head. They were happy. What if they had kids? They were good people; they didn’t deserve to die the way they did. Spencer’s head pounds as he slumps against the chair, his breath quickening when he realises that Tobias is right there.

“Sorry, I had to leave for a while,” Tobias, the real Tobias, says quietly, strapping the belt to Spencer’s arm again.

He’s felt this so many times now. The high, and then the inevitable low. There’s no point fighting it, Spencer tries to justify, it’s biology.

“You can leave again,” he says softly, “and you can take me with you.”

“My father would be angry,” Tobias says, drawing the liquid up the syringe.

“Not if he can’t find us.”

Tobias scoffs. “He always finds me.”

“If you tell me where we are, my friends will come and they’ll save us,” Spencer pleads, trying to look him in the eye.

“We can’t be saved,” he says dismissively, flicking the syringe.

Spencer sniffles, and for a split second he feels the fear course through his veins. “We can. We can, I promise, if you tell me where we are I’ll save us both.”

“Listen to me. It’s not worth fighting.” Tobias pauses, readying the syringe. “Tell me it doesn't make it better.”

The silence that follows is humiliating. He hates the way that he isn’t fighting anymore but he can’t. It’s almost as if his body doesn’t even want to listen to him. Tobias doesn’t waste another moment and the familiar feeling of artificial ecstasy floods Spencer’s mind.

“Tell me something I don’t know about you.”

The phrase was so unfamiliar and Spencer’s brows furrowed as he looked at you. It has been a couple weeks since you were officially indoctrinated into the BAU and he couldn’t be any happier. It felt nice to talk to someone who was his age, especially because he never really knew anyone of his age back in Las Vegas.

“What do you mean?” He asked.

You laughed and his heart fluttered in his chest. He remembered the feeling distinctly; how could he forget? The feeling is still the same now.

“I mean… tell me something not a lot of people know about you. Like… okay, I’ll go first. Um… my favourite flowers are hydrangeas. The purple ones.”

He committed that information to memory. Every year for your birthday he would buy you a new pot of hydrangeas for your apartment or something flower related like an automatic waterer or a replacement sun lamp.

“Hydrangea macrophylla,” Spencer said slowly, his cheeks flushed. “It means… gratitude, grace, and beauty. It’s fitting.”

He relished in the way your eyes lit up and the way you smiled at him. “Okay, your turn. Tell me something I don’t know about you.”

“Um… my middle name is Walter?” He chuckled awkwardly, wetting his bottom lip. “No one really calls me that, though.”

You typed something on your computer, reading out loud, “The name Walter is Germanic in origin and means ‘commander of the army’.”

His cheeks burned in embarrassment and he nodded slowly. “Yeah.”

“I like it.” You grinned at him. “Walter.”

Spencer choked a little, the hairs on his neck standing on end and heat crawling up his cheeks. “You– you don’t have to call me that.”

“I won’t if you don’t like it,” you told him.

“It’s not that I don’t like it,” he said quickly, his eyes widening. “I’m just not used to it.”

He remembers the way you beamed at him and the way he felt knowing that he made you happy.

“Well then,” You began, meeting his gaze, “I guess that means I just have to call you that more often.”

Tobias’s yelling brings him back and all he can do is stare as he watches him slam on the keyboard angrily. A bright red pop up is flashing on his computer, and Tobias turns to Spencer with a murderous scowl.

“They’re trying to silence my message.”

“I can’t control what they do,” Spencer defends tearfully, his voice wavering. “I’m not with them, I’m with you.”

Tobias scoffs again. “Really?”

He types something onto the keyboard and Gideon’s face show’s up on the screen. He’s leaning towards the camera, his words a mantra that Spencer repeats in his mind.

“Reid,” the crackly audio sounds with Gideon’s voice, “if you’re watching, you’re not responsible for this, understand me? He’s perverting God to justify murder. You are stronger than him. He cannot break you.”

Tobias slams the computer off, walking back to him. “You think you can defy me?”

“I don’t know what he’s talking about–”

“You’re a liar!”

Spencer can only grimace in response, the words caught in his throat. Tobias must have been able to see something and the fear creeps into his heart again as the man lunges for his arm. Tobias forces Spencer’s sleeve up and the guilt crashes like waves.

“You’re pitiful,” Tobias sneers, “Just like my son.”

Spencer wracks out a sob, silent pleas of mercy never leaving his lips. Maybe he does deserve this. Maybe, in some sick and twisted way, the universe is out to get him for all his shortcomings. Maybe, he thinks to himself as he watches Tobias turn the camera on, maybe he does deserve to die this way.

“This ends now,” Tobias snarls. “Confess your sins.”

“No,” he whimpers.

Tobias’s fist collides with the side of Spencer’s face with a resounding slap.

“Confess!”

“I haven’t done anything…”

His fist meets Spencer’s cheek again and all he can do is recoil in his chair.

“Tobias, help me,” he manages, but his plea is shut down almost instantly.

“He can’t help you, he’s weak. Confess!” He hits him again and the pain is almost too much to bear. “Confess your sins.”

Spencer sobs. “No…”

In a fit of anger, Tobias throws Spencer to the ground. It hurts. Everything hurts as he feels the back of his head meet the cold musty ground. He can’t breathe. He feels like he’s underwater. Have to breathe, he needs to breathe, why can’t he breathe? He needs to see you again. He can’t die like this. He can’t, he can’t, he needs to breathe. He tries to take a breath of air but it’s like his mouth is full of water. And just when he thinks he reached the surface, he’s pulled under once again.

Warmth. The feeling of his blood pumping to his ears is the first thing Spencer feels and his fingers twitch. He’s alive. There’s only one reason why that must have happened.

“I was given CPR,” he rasps out, Tobias’s words swirling in his head.

“There are no accidents,” Tobias says slowly. “How many members are in your team?”

Spencer can barely whisper the word. “Eight.”

“Seven, not including you. ‘The seven angels who had the seven trumpets prepared themselves to sound. The first sounding followed hail and they were thrown to Earth’.” He hoists Spencer’s chair upright, standing before him. “Tell me who you serve.”

“I serve you.”

“Then choose one to die.”

Spencer blanches, looking up at him. “What?”

“Your team members. Choose one to die.”

He doesn’t need to think when he responds, “kill me.”

Tobias jeers. “You said you weren’t one of them.”

“I lied.”

“Your team has seven other members. Tell me who dies.”

Spencer breathes in as if it were his last. “No.”

Tobias pulls out a revolver from his jacket pocket, spinning the cylinder before aiming it for Spencer’s head. “Choose, and prove you’ll do God’s will.”

“No.”

Tobias clicks the trigger and nothing happens so he repeats, “choose.”

“I won’t do it.”

The trigger clicks again and nothing happens. “Life is a choice.”

“No.”

Spencer’s mind is racing. His first thought goes to you. He knows you would understand any and all references he throws in your direction, but it makes him sick just thinking about putting your life on the line. He needs something. He needs to think.

“Choose.”

“I choose…” his voice stammers and he can barely see straight. “Aaron Hotchner.”

***

“We got him.”

The words echo in your mind as you pace up and down your hotel room, chewing on your destroyed nailbeds. It’s nearing two in the morning and you can’t sleep. The rest of the team are awake. Why should you be given the privilege of rest when none of them were able to? Why should you be given the privilege of rest when Spencer is out there fighting for his life? It’s not fair. Life isn’t fair.

When you hear the sirens outside you run out the door. Blood is pulsing in your ears and you’re still wearing the thin hotel slippers but it doesn’t matter. How could anything else matter? The car door clicks open and Emily helps Spencer out of the car. She whispers something to him and he looks in your direction. Those big hazel eyes stare at you with so much hurt and you can’t contain it anymore.

“Spencer.”

His arms wrap around your waist, his nose pressing against your neck as he holds you, breathing in the smell of your vanilla perfume. He almost doesn’t believe you’re real. He pulls you impossibly closer, sniffling, and he can feel your fingers run through his hair.

“You’re okay,” you whisper, trying to be reassuring, but he can hear the way your voice cracks. “You’re okay.”

“I should have listened to you,” He whimpers, feeling the cold wet rain soak through his shirt. “I should have– I’m so sorry.”

You shake your head. “Don’t be, Walter.”

The moment he hears that name spill from your lips he begins to cry. He’s okay. He’s with you now. You’re right here.

“I thought–”

You shush him for the first and last time, squeezing his arms. “It’s okay. You’ll be okay.”

He wonders how a person could be so warm. Even in the cold Atlanta weather you’re still so warm.

“Hotch wouldn’t let me work the case from the house,” you tell him quietly as you sit beside him on the bed. “Understandable. I screamed at him.”

He chuckles a little, flinching when you gently pull the bandage off the side of his face. He feels a lot better now that he’s clean, the shower more than necessary and he savours the feeling of warm water on his skin. The gash on his head is oozing sticky blood and you dispose of it accordingly, reaching into the first aid kit.

“It’s gonna sting a little,” you tell him, pressing a damp cloth to the wound.

He hisses at the contact, gripping your arm and he tries to change the subject. “Why did you scream at Hotch?”

You hum, continuing to clean the blood off his head. “I was mad at him.”

“It wasn’t his fault.”

“I know.”

You smile at him, applying a new bandage to his head. “It’s okay. I was able to help the case from here, anyway.”

“Stay with me,” he whispers, squeezing your hand. “Please?”

Your gaze softens. “Of course, Walter.”

He curls into your side, an arm wrapped around your middle and he breathes in the scent of your strawberry and honey shampoo. Your fingers curl in his hair, untangling the knots when your eyes flicker to your desk, the letter of resignation tucked inside your bag. He doesn’t need to know that. At least, not yet.

***

You knock at the door of Hotch’s office, chewing on your bottom lip. You remember being in this office for the first time four years ago when you were an intern; the way you shook with nerves and anticipation as you handed in your résumé for the honours program and then again when you were hoping to take the job full time. It’s ironic that you’re back at his office again, but for a very different reason.

“Come in.”

The breath that leaves your lips is shaky and you take a seat in front of his desk. “Hotch.”

“(Y/N).”

You place the pristine white envelope onto the desk,watching the way his face shifts from stoic to surprised.

“You don’t have to do this,” He says, not touching the envelope. “The situation at hand was stressful. No one blames you for reacting the way you did.”

“It’s not just because of that,” you say slowly. “You were right. I was too involved.”

He shakes his head. “That’s not true.”

“It is,” you say quickly, a humourless laugh slipping at your words. “I would have killed him.”

Hotch looks at you, his eyes meeting yours. “You wouldn’t have.”

“I would have,” you say surely. “After what he did to Spencer, if I had found him I would have killed him. And I would have– I would have slept well. I love this team, Hotch, but I can’t separate those feelings when I’m on the field no matter how hard I try.”

He’s quiet for a moment before nodding, rising from his seat. “I’m assuming it’s a two-week’s notice?”

You nod, also getting up from your chair. “Yeah. I– I don’t want to just leave, you know?”

“We’re going to miss you,” he says, walking with you to the door, “but this will be good for you.”

“I know.” You can feel the stares of the rest of the team through the glass and you can’t help but smile. “They’re horrible at being nonchalant.”

“They’re profilers,” Aaron chuckles. “Can you blame them?”

“I guess not,” you muse, pulling the door open. “Thank you, Aaron.”

“You always have a place here, (Y/N),” he says gently as you walk back down to the bullpen.

It doesn’t take long before the overflowing dam of questions burst and in moments Emily is crossing the room and sitting next to you.

“You’re leaving the BAU?”

You look at her with wide eyes before laughing a little. “You… are very good at your job, huh?”

“Oh…” Penelope tackles you in a hug, her arms tight around your frame. “We’re going to miss you.”

JJ sniffles a little, joining the hug. “Don’t forget us.”

“As if I ever could.” A bittersweet smile rests on your lips.

Derek hugs you as well, his chin on the top of your head. “Look after yourself, kid. We’ll make these last two weeks the best you’ve ever had.”

“If you ever need anything…” Emily begins slowly, squeezing your hands. “I’m here, okay?”

Gideon pats your shoulder lightly, a sad smile on his face. “You’re a good person. Never forget that.”

You nod, trying to blink away the tears that fill your eyes. “I know. Thanks, you guys.”

The opening and shutting of the BAU doors brings you out of your thoughts and the familiar head of brown hair stalking away makes your face fall. Gideon meets your gaze, gesturing towards the door. That’s all you need to run out of the bullpen.

“Spencer– Spencer, wait, please.” You tug on his arm desperately. “Please–”

“What do you mean you’re leaving?” He asks, his voice cracking. It has only been a few days since the incident and he looks a little better. The scratches on his face are still visible, but they’re fading slowly. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I–” you falter, flinching at the pain and hostility in his voice. “It was never a good time.”

He scoffs quietly, rubbing at his arm. “You should have told me.”

“I couldn’t just randomly tell you,” you say, frowning. “How would that be fair?”

Spencer rubs his eyes, the dark bags beneath them even more prominent. “Why are you leaving?”

“I have to,” you say gently, resting a hand on his shoulder. “I love this job but I can’t do it anymore–”

“Why not?!”

“Because–!” You exhale, trying to calm yourself down. “Because I swore an oath when I took this job that I will put this country above myself. And I can do that. I would die for this country to protect the people in it, I will hunt down the people who make this country so unsafe and I will sacrifice myself willingly, but you? I can’t– I can’t lose you. If I had to choose between catching the UnSub and saving you, I would save you in a heartbeat. Even if that meant letting a bad guy go. Even if that meant more people would get hurt I would still choose you and I can’t let that happen.”

Your words deem him speechless and he shifts his weight on his feet. For a moment, all he can do is stare at you as your reasoning sinks in. It makes sense. He hates that it makes sense.

“So that’s it?” He asks quietly, finally looking you in the eye. “You’re actually leaving?”

“Not for another two weeks,” you tell him truthfully. “Besides, you can still text me. And call me. You know where I live so you can always visit.”

He bites the inside of his cheek anxiously, teetering on his feet before hugging you tightly, burying his nose into your hair. “I’m going to miss you so much.”

“I’m going to miss you too.”

His grip is tight around you and if you paid attention you could feel him tremble. “I can’t do this job without you.”

“Don’t say that,” you whisper. “You can, Walter. You’re stronger than you think you are.”

There are so many things he wishes he could tell you. You’re right here. He doesn’t have to yearn for your touch anymore because you’re right here in his arms. He wants to tell you so many things. Like how he adores the colour of your eyes, or the way you smile, or the way your hair falls. He wants to tell you how much he likes spending time with you and how he feels so good with you but he can’t. The words are at the tip of his tongue so how can he not say anything?

“I–” love you– “I’m really going to miss you.”

“Me too,” you whisper. “Me too.”

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becausebuckley · 27 days ago

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michelle's buddie fic recs: week 50!

another lovely round of fics for you all <3 full disclosure i did not double check this with my masterlist of recs so while i doubt it, it's possible that i've recced some of these before... i guess that could just be a sign that they're extra good lol.

this is a mix of fics with all ratings, so some include NSFW content. please take a look at both the ratings and the fic tags before reading! some might also contain spoilers for season 8.

if you come across something you like in this list, remember to show some love to the author by leaving kudos and a comment!

75 best knitting puns that will have you hooked | iphigenias/@oatflatwhite | 4.1k | GA

Buck—Buck is knitting. Eddie blinks, rubs his eyes. Yeah, Buck is knitting: thick fingers a little clumsy as Bobby shows him how to purl stitch with a soft-looking ball of pink ombre wool. softest most domestic little fic <3

all the lights are coming on | sharpbutsoft/@sharpbutsoft | 1.2k | GA

What good is having a key to your best friend’s house if you can’t use it to spread a little holiday magic? spreading the holiday magic <3<3 this was everything i needed and wanted and i love it so very much

any other bodily sense | kiwiibiird/@buckevanley | 10.2k | GA

Post-s2 sickfic. Buck is stuck with a broke leg and a bad cold. Maddie and Eddie help him out. forehead kisses and maddie and buddie and hurt/comfort... literally what else could a girl (me) need? the answer is nothing because this fic is everything!!

born with a weak heart | foxwatson/@eddiediazes | 7.5k | T

the one where eddie won't touch buck once he wakes up in the hospital, and buck goes absolutely bonkers bananas about it. is it truly a michelle rec list if there's no touch-starved fic on there? i don't think it is lol. i've reread this several times now and it's just the absolute loveliest <3

don't break | odysseus_calls | 2.4k | T

5 times the 118 is tired of Buck and Eddie acting like a couple, and the time they find out they've been dating the whole time. i LOVE hijinks and shenanigans <3 this captures them so perfectly!!

hooker | mansikka | 3.9k | T

When Eddie's life turns to hell, he turns to hooking. Crochet hooking. i've been attempting to crochet again (made a little cat today!) and it's only half because i want to be cool and crafty and half because people make it sound so cool and crafty in fics. anyway point is this was brilliant and so eddie and i loved it v v much!!

i sleep so i can see you ('cause i hate to wait so long) | turquoiseviolet/@turquoisevioiet | 25.7k | T

eddie’s not sleeping and buck’s worried. after all, he’s supposed to be the one who fixes everything, isn’t he? platonic cuddling! homoerotic friendship! getting together! if buddie fic had a bingo card, this would tick all of the boxes <3 so good!!

loves a game, wanna play? | 42hrb/@exhuastedpigeon | 57.5k | M

In the aftermath of Chris leaving for the summer, Buck convinces Eddie they should apply for Love Island together. okay so admittedly all my big plans to read my marked for later list this week failed miserably, cause this is the only fic from there that i actually read... on the other hand, what a brilliant one it is!! it's so funny and so good and i loved the social media elements in there. also, maya and maria <3

sub drop city, population: eddie diaz | peaktotheocean/@peaktotheocean | 4k | T

It takes Eddie longer than he cares to admit to realize that Buck has been giving him aftercare on the sly. i'm such a sucker for aftercare and this has SUCH a lovely buddie dynamic <3

swinging there, in the corner of our haven | anti_romantic_cherub | 1.6k | GA

Eddie bought Buck a hammock, and now he's reaping the rewards (Buck napping in his backyard). buck napping in eddie's backyard <3 such a lovely image and this is executed so so well, i love it!!

the city is a jungle and i'm a beast | putanauhere/@putanauhere | 42.8k | M

Eddie has enough on his plate this summer – a newly empty nest, a terrible new captain, and a new mustache – without adding a new werewolf to the mix. the most fascinating werewolf au <3 i love the buddie dynamic here and how they approach the werewolfism with such different attitudes. so good!!

toss up | saucerfulofsins/@saucerfulofsins | 3.5k | E

Eddie is caught browsing bad gay porn, and Buck takes it upon himself to show Eddie the good stuff. most glorious brilliant fic concept to ever fic <3 this is fantastic!!

trivial pursuit of love | niemi | 6.2k | T

Buck attends Tommy’s trivia night with Eddie, his newfound feelings for his best friend bottled up and ready to burst. As it turns out, he’s not the only one with a secret. buddie at trivia night!! i loved this fic so much, it was a real highlight on a rainy morning bus ride <3

weaving in our loose ends | PretentiousSwanQueen/@hotcinnamonsunset | 8.6k | T

Eddie is a knitter with the Loose Ends Project and he's assigned to finish the project of a loved one of Buck's. the gasp i let out when i realised what buck's project is... gorgeous fic!!

white sheets, you and me start to lay close | effervescentwolf/@effervescentwolf | 1.5k | T

He thinks of his empty bed at home, and his chest feels tight. It’s just that—it’s okay if it’s Buck. He can let Buck catch him. give me all the bed-sharing fics, please and thank you <3 this is one of the best uses of the trope i've seen in a long time, it's so lovely <3

#buddie #buddie fic #buddie fic rec #911 abc #911 fic #911 fic rec #michelle’s recs #fic rec list #more winterberry glade coming tomorrow folks #i cannot wait for winter break so i'll have time for fun fandom things #i am. so tired #just one more week #anyway enjoy your reading <3

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somuchbetterthanthat · 29 days ago

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Thinking today about the fact Silco was having people following Vander's kids around. Just. Knowing their whereabouts and all.

It's not as if he wasn't ready to use kids or kill kids if necessary, obviously, and technically in canon he was more than happy to finish them off -- or at least ready to dangle them over Vander's head to get Vander to agree to his plans --, but the idea that he checks on those kids specifically because they're Vander's.

Obviously S2 gave us another layer with Felicia, and all, but I'm just. Invested in Silco being invested in four small urchins doing mischief in the Undercity only because their his enemy's children. Not even his enemy, is he? His. Political rival, let's call it that. His...almost murderer. His. old friend. His old brother in arm. His old lover.

The man who seemed to have been born to be a father, one day, being a father of four, on his own.

(Silco, of course, was never interested in fatherhood or domesticity, was more than willing to put comfort aside until they've reached their goal, anyway, although he supposed, in hypotheticals, in their future, once they'd have Zaun, well, if Vander still wanted some midgets, Silco might have--)

Anyway, point is: Silco with complex feelings he refuses to acknowledge about Vander's kids (they're pawns, and only pawns) specifically because they're Vander's (one could point out Ekko is of interest, that Benzo is as much a pillar to the little community Vander has built, and Sevika does point out flatly that some people do pay attention their right-arm to which Silco snarks "feeling neglected, are you? Someone you might need to punch?" and Sevika just raises her eyebrows at him pointedly)

SECOND point is, of course, Silco ending up, because of circunstances, meeting every kid one by one (and yes, nobody's surprised Powder's his favourite, but all the same, and very important: meeting all of them) (and leaving a lasting impression on all of them) (To be honest I feel like Mylo might be weirded out and impressed in turn, and then put out when it turns out that, like Vi, Silco favors Powder) (Claggor is the least impressed, I think, and the most wary) (Vi WANTS to be wary, but also she's conflicted cause Powder loves the guy, and the guy also speaks to her soul when he talks about Zaun and getting respected)

Meanwhile Vander is like: is he threatening my kids or does he want to raise them with me. Benzo. Benzo what does it mean.

Benzo is like: I miss Felicia every single day. Give me alcohol and deal with the evil guy you're somehow still in love with on your own.

#Benzo and Sevika should actually meet up and commiserate #when you think about it #arcane #do i keep making the same three tumblr posts? maybe. But writing is hard and tumblr is easy #zaundads #also i'm sad and it's easier to think about Silco having difficult fatherhood feelings about kids he never wanted and could just ignore #and won't.#cause they're vander's.

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neragufetta · 13 days ago

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That is a code, your honor

I stayed away from Link Click in order to avoid any spoiler, to the point I only discovered today that episode 1 of the Yingdu chapter was released last friday.

There is a long frame by frame rewatch already waiting for me but, at this moment, I only want to focus on this frame in the opening:

I don't know if anyone has already done it but I've cracked the code and I wish to share it with you.

Yes, that is a proper code and is fully decipherable, if you want to solve it yourself I'll share some hints on how to do it, otherwise you can just skip to the actual message section down below.

Have fun!

HOW TO DECIPHER THE CODE, step by step

The message is in English, lucky for us non-Chinese viewers;

2. the code uses a substitution cipher, which means every symbol corresponds to a specific letter and that letter only.

With these two clues alone I think you can already approach the message, but if you wish for more hints, here they are:

3. I could think of two different ways to decipher the code, one takes longer but it requires only one cipher; the other one is easier but there is a twist to keep in mind.

4. The longer method consists of classical substitution cipher solving approach: symbols, or set of symbols, that occurs more often in the message can be correlated with letters (E, T, ...) or words (THE, AND, ...) that occurs more often in the english language.

5. The easier way is to recognise that the symbols belong to a well known cipher: the pigpin cipher! You can google it, see the pic below

or just check my solution:

-XLI LIEVX SJ XLI JSVIWX E WYHHIr- -MG WTVIEH EQSRK XLI ERMQEPW JSB- -VIGXMRK IPITLERX XS HSYWY XLI JPEQI- -MJXPC WTVIEHMRK QIWWEKIW SJ YVK- -SAIZIV SRPC GEVIH EFSYX JPIIMRK- -XLI JSVIWX WYGGYQFIH XS XLI JMVIW-

HIXIVQMRIH XS TVIZIRX WYGL XVEKIH- LMVIH E HIXIGXMZI XS YRGSZIV XLI- HMWGSZIVIH AEW FICSRH XLIMV AM- MQEKMREXMSRW

LI FIPMIZIH XLEX XLI OIC XS- XS IPMQMREXI EPP TSXIRXMEP- MKRMXI XVSYFPI

Wait what?! That is not a solution! True, and that is the twist: pigpen alone doesn't solve the code, you need one more step, another substitution cipher.

6. This is a Caesar Cipher with key 4!

from: E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z A B C D

to --: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

THE ACTUAL MESSAGE

-(t)he heart of the forest a sudde(n)- -ic spread among the animals fox- -recting elephant to dousu the flame- -iftly spreading messages of urg- -(h)owever only cared about fleeing- -the forest succumbed to the fires

Determined to prevent such traged(y)- hired a detective to uncover the- discovered was beyond their wi- imaginations

He believed that the key to- to eliminate all potential- ignite trouble

THE BLABBERING

Already many interesting things everywhere!

This message implies the existence of 5+ people: the writer of the message; the target of the message; the hired detective; the "He" mentioned in the third paragraph; the "all potential" trouble igniters (at least 2, I'd say) that should be eliminated. The blond woman seems to be the target, since the message is under her cup of tea; Liu Xiao could be the detective but I bet he is the "He"; the trouble igniters are definitely Lu Guang, Cheng Xiaoshi and the whole gang. The other two characters are way less obvious, we can only assume their identity based on which one is missing; I can only speculate that Vein could be the detective, but he could also be your basic assassin; Finally, Xia Fei could be the writer of the message, if we accept the idea that he and the woman might be somehow blood related.

Then, we have the proper content of the message: a burning forest is mentioned and we know from S2 that a forest appears in Lu Guang's memory of CXS dying (and in the opening as well). Why so much emphasys is placed on the forest?

The next sentence "determined to prevent such traged(y)" might be the most revealing: what is the tragedy? The forest on fire or something else? If it's the former, how can the fire be prevented it it has already happened? Either, they dive back in the past and change it, which we know is no-go option, or the forest on fire was a vision from the future and there is someone (Liu Xiao?) with the ability to either foresee or actually dive in the future, completing the past, present and future pattern.

And this is all coming from just one frame. One Frame.

Welcome back to the delightfully hellish Link Click.

Edit: Guys, I'm so silly, a few second later the cup is removed and the code becomes visible almost entirely...a part 2 is required.

#link click #link click yingdu #link click theory #shiguang daili ren #sorry for my crappy english it's 3am #I thought it'd be a quick post

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mimikyusrealform · 3 days ago

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six degrees of separation

Spencer Reid x Reader. Word Count: 1781. Summary: While circulating the photo of a serial killer around a bar in New York, Spencer gets distracted by the sight of someone who used to only exist in his memories. Notes and Warnings: Set around Season 2 before Revelations, because S2 Reid is the loveliest he's ever been. There's a bit of cussing, and mentions of bullying (not particularly explicit), so read at your own discretion.

The man in front of you is familiar. It's better to say that his face is familiar to you, but not the man himself.

He's asking something, “Have you seen this guy?” In a nervous way, his left hand's fingers, the ones not holding up a fairly young guy's picture, twist and untwist. It's like there's electricity under his skin, and a fuzz in his head. He can't stay still. “Ma'am?” he prompts at your silence.

“What did you say your name was again?” you are asking before you can think it over.

“Uh, I'm Doctor—but you don't have to call me that, it's optional, actually, forget that—Spencer Reid.” He is flustered. You can tell it's not because of you, but because you're a person. Still looking at him, you sip from your Gin and Tonic. His brown hair is smooth and carefully parted, no apparent use of gel, but brushed nicely so it shines, even under the bar's poor lighting. He wears professor clothes: a brown vest, a white button-up and low-rise slacks. He's sinewy and wiry, and you wonder if his bones are naturally thin or it's because he doesn't eat enough. You guess that it might be both.

“Are you from Las Vegas?” you ask him.

“Y-yeah.” He's changed the picture to his left hand, and his right one rubs at the back of his neck. “How did you know? Nevermind. I need to know if you've seen this man?”

It clicks, then. You think it's because of that gesture. You squint your eyes at the picture. “No, I haven't.” You stab him in the chest with your index finger. He recoils as if you had actually stabbed him. “Doesn't matter. It's you who I've seen before; I remember now. You're that kid that graduated from high-school at twelve years old. I was a freshman when that happened.”

He blinks owlishly; it's kind of cute. Then, he blinks again, and a third time. With a start, he miraculously says your name. “I didn't recognize you,” he admits shamefully; you wave your hand dismissively. “I-it's good to see you.”

It truly is—good to see you. Spencer doesn't have many fond memories of his time in high-school. But you're certainly one of the few. He never imagined you would remember him, though, he wasn't important to you the way you were, are to him.

You were short, once, this he can picture clearly, with round and rosy cheeks, and crowded teeth. You must have gone through braces, he notes. That, too, he can picture clearly; well, imagine it. You've grown up. Of course, you've grown up. It's such a menial observation that it makes him embarrassed, somehow. You're a good memory that he's kept dearly, close to his heart. After all, you saved him, twice. Twice! The first time from himself, and the second time from others. How he hadn't immediately recognized you, it was beyond him. You are just as pretty and impossible as an adult as when you were a kid.

The first time, he had been walking out of school with a dejected drag of the feet. Mary Clarkson had made fun of him in Math class, because he stammered when answering a complex question, and that had been enough to dim the sun in the sky. He needed to cross the street, and he vaguely checked both ways, head still hung low, before attempting to cross. And then, a hand pulled him by the scruff, harshly and violently, almost throwing him over his back on the ground. He reacted accordingly, jolting out of the hold, thinking he was about to get beaten up. But what he came face-to-face with was your scowl at the same time that behind him, a car exceeding the speed limit whipped through the street.

You had said, in an extremely high-pitched voice while digging your index finger into his chest, “Are you actually dumb? They say you're a genius, but geniuses look both sides before crossing the street! You're just silly, after all!” Your intonation was kind of obnoxious, but then you grabbed his wrist, the right one, pried his fingers open and gently deposited a Hershey's Kiss from your backpack on his palm. “Get better,” you had said, and bolted away to join your own friends, who were all giggling at the display. He always looks both ways after that. And sometimes, he feels true warmth in his chest, where your fingertip had marked him an eternity ago.

The second time was just a month before senior graduation. His senior graduation. Mark Brown and his two friends-slash-lackeys had been throwing him around the lockers, and everyone else either ignored them or hid their smirks behind their hands. Brown was saying something like, “C'mon, I got to teach you. You like learning, don't you, freak? Hold him, you gu—” Brown was a senior, so he was about seventeen years old, almost eighteen. And you were just a freshman, freshly fourteen-years-old. And yet you had walked up behind Brown, gripping the straps of your backpack between your bony fingers, and hurled it at the back of his head, almost knocking him down. Spencer vividly remembers the tingle that ran up his spine at the sound of your shrill yet demanding voice telling Brown to, “Move out of the way, skank! You're crowding my goddamn locker! Filthy, stupid bitch, are you blind or did your junkie father finally beat all the braincells out of your head?”

Then, you forcefully hit the other two guys with your backpack as well until they dispersed. Years later, Spencer would come to know why Brown couldn't hit you. Why Brown would never hit a girl, and instead of fighting you, he scattered. You had placed your hands on your hips and glared at him, before saying, “If you like to learn so much, then why don't you learn how to throw a punch? How to kick a roundhouse. No school director is expelling you. Or, at least, learn how to talk back at stupid skanks. If you can not be stronger, then be smarter, silly.”

Silly, silly, silly. That was the second time you called him silly, the second time you saved him.

“Is that so,” you are saying now. “Then, I suppose it's nice seeing you, too. Who's that man, anyway?”

He glances down at the picture in his own hand, like he had forgotten it was there. “Oh, yeah. Um, this is a suspect in a case I—”

“Are you the police?” you interrupt.

“O-oh, no. No, I'm not. FBI,” he explains, pulling out his badge and showing it to you.

There's a glint in your eyes. “FBI,” you repeat, voice a tiny bit as shrill as he remembered it being. “How old are you?”

“I'm twenty-four,” he tells you earnestly. Does that impress you? It embarrasses him how much he wants it to impress you. “I, uh, joined when I was twenty-two.”

“I'm twenty-six,” you tell him, expectantly.

He isn't sure how he knows what you want him to say, but he says, “Congratulations. You look younger.”

You don't preen at his words, but you smile at him, and it's the first time he's seen your smile, despite having daydreamed about what it would look like many times before. It's nothing like his imagination. It's not wide and smooth nor is it sweet. It's lopsided, crooked; and he can see your canines are a bit askew and sharp. When you turn your head to the side to take a sip from your white-night drink, he memorizes the planes of your profile. The valley of your cheek, the crest of the bone under your eye, the cliff of your nose bone. He sees the very naked neck, the precipice between your collarbones. Your face is lovely and curious, and so is the slope of your bare shoulders. He wants to run his fingers down the spaghetti-straps of your dress, that dig into your skin. He wonders if the straps are drawing red lines.

He wants to say something, maybe all he wants is for you to listen to him, but then he hears Morgan calling him.

You hear it, too; you don't know who's calling for him, but you know it's more important than you. So you tilt your head towards him in acknowledgement that he has to go. “Goodbye, Doctor,” you say, smiling again. “Goodbye, silly.”

“No, wait,” he stumbles. “We—I still have some time. Let me—”

“Time?” you interrupt him again. “Funny business, time. It delights frustrating your plans. Don't you know?”

His brain catches up to the reference before himself. “The Seventh Doctor,” he mutters. He sounds surprised to his own ears. “From Dragonfire; Season 24, Serial 4. Broadcasted from November 23 to December 7 of 1987. I was six years old when it came out. The Doctor said it to Mel at the end of the third part.”

You are looking at him with amusement at the same time Morgan calls for him again. “What, do you think I can't like Doctor Who?”

“No, not at all,” he recomposes himself, clears his throat, and almost trips back when you grab his wrist, the right one. “W-what are you doing?” His voice is a couple semitones higher.

You don't answer him. Instead, you take a pen from your dress' pocket and write something on his soft skin.

When he lifts his hand in front of his face, he blushes terribly at the sight of what he assumes—hopes—is your phone number.

“Call me,” you say. You pause, and then add, “Don't be silly and start overthinking it. Good night, Doctor.”

You leave after that.

He's left dazzled and dazed, standing there. He feels like a raw wire, and there's a pleasant flow of warmth spreading through his body from where your fingers curled around his joint.

He runs away when he sees Morgan's arched eyebrows and mirthful expression. Not before catching the mocking mimic of, “Good night, Doctor.” He groans a quick shut up in his haste to leave the establishment.

He's such a coward. But he's not coward enough not to call you later that night during the flight back to Quantico. He texts, “Who's your favorite Doctor?” And feels like kicking himself. Who starts a conversation like that? Before he can delete it and disappear, you reply, “I'm not sure, Dr. Reid. I don't think he exists yet. Why, did you want me to say you are my favorite Doctor?”

Morgan laughs the whole flight after reading over his shoulder.

Surprisingly, he finds he can't be embarrassed about it. Not when you spend the rest of the night texting him.

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #criminal minds #criminal minds fic #criminal minds fanfiction #fanfic

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irrealisms · 17 days ago

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hi! yr probably not lookin for asks anymore, but. what's your lifesteal elevator pitch? i know absolutely nothing abt it or any of the folks on the server except the vague things i've absorbed frm reading yr analysis as it crosses my dash, but it compels me, etc.+ also merry christmas! <33 🎄🌟

good news: i am always looking for asks

bad news: my parents DID go to sleep and i was able to wrap presents and put them beneath the tree and so on, so i wasn't going to do more asks tonight

good news again: i actually already have a lifesteal pitch. in a google doc. bc i'm normal

the pitch does assume you're basically already into mcrp and just curious about lifesteal in specific BUT we went to dsmp together so this works out

I really love shitty little tryhards causing problems via impressive feats of minecraft, and lifesteal is full of those. if you like people being good at minecraft, I really recommend lifesteal--in s2, clownpierce was top 50 worldwide at crystal pvp, and now he's washed and in s6 there are 2-3 (depending on who you ask) lifestealers who are better than him at pvp (admittedly maybe not at crystal); in s4, there's some stuff that's impressive in ~vanilla (eg parrot wins a 1v1 while on one heart) and some stuff that's impressive through exploits/social stuff (eg a group of people use a glitch + social engineering to get /op and prove to mojang that the glitch is a security issue that needs patched). every season is like this! lifestealers have backdoored the server 3 seasons in a row (s3-5). for a more recent weird Lifestealer Behavior, rekrap and jumper filled in every end portal room and built new fake ones to make it look like the world glitched and generated without them. lifesteal is weird and constantly coming up with new weird yet impressive things to do. a lot of stuff that's currently banned on lifesteal (F3+A, pie ray) are things i only learned were possible from lifesteal. (on the flip side i'd say: if you are not into shitty little tryhards making weird impressive clickbait, you probably won't like lifesteal, although you may still like hearing about it from time to time.)

related to them being shitty little tryhards causing problems: the rules are...more of a suggestion. getting around the rules, and hiding from the server owner and/or other players that you're doing so, is often part of the fun of lifesteal! (see also the thing where i mentioned that it's been backdoored three seasons in a row.) if that's intriguing: check it out. if not: once again, you have been warned.

lifesteal absolutely has lore and some people roleplay on it, there is nonzero c/cc divide, but it's more like traffic life than, say, late dsmp--it's fully improv, not scripted, and even more than traffic life it is genuinely adversarial. you can sometimes be confident that someone is in character but you can never be sure if someone is out of character, on lifesteal-- things like "going to someone's house irl to turn off their computer" or "lying about your homework/school/sleep schedule" or "changing your entire discord layout so that when you DM someone they think you're someone else" or "claiming you need their footage of an event for your video when actually you just want to see where their spawn point is" are all things that have been done on lifesteal that are considered fair game! everything on lifesteal is real; sometimes this goes well, sometimes it doesn't, but both are interesting to see imo because they are real

partially for this reason and partially for other reasons, lifesteal is fascinating to me as a piece of unique storytelling? a lot of mcyt is doing interesting things with its medium and being improv, lifesteal's not fully unique in that, but definitely if you like that you might like lifesteal. along with the improv, there's the fact that many lifestealers lie about what actually happened in their videos (comparing different videos with the vods, or in some cases with "what people say in various vods" when events weren't streamed, gives some fascinating insights imo--how do people frame their stories? how honest are they? what do they blatantly lie about, what do they gloss over or omit, what do they include in full? who, if anyone, do they see as the heroes or villains? whose videos agree with each other, and whose present a totally different story?), and the fact that conflict about "where do we want the story to go next, what do we think would be an interesting video/the best ending" is often the driving motive for in-character wars and conflicts! if you're interested at all in lifesteal and storytelling, check out barrier blocks part 2 by @mering/@myrmica, which is a deep dive on eclipse federation and the end of lifesteal s4 (those are my special guys); it dips into some academic game studies and it's really, really good. i genuinely cannot recommend it highly enough. (part one is also real good for non-lifesteal-specific discussion of mcrp!)

if you want a more specific plot summary (esp of s4) and/or "how do i actually, like, watch this" (of any seasons): hmu! but that's my pitch. also, read barrier blocks

#therapists dni #any british ants in the chat?#lifesteal #this might be too long to qualify as an elevator pitch. sorry. had a lot to say #EDIT: ty also!!! merry Christmas to you as well if applicable & if not then i hope you have a nice day <3

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aziraphales-library · 4 months ago

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Y’all are awesome and I appreciate the hell out of this account! Any fics that are an attempt at a season 3? Preferably comedic ones! Thank you so much and keep up the amazing work! ❤️

Hello. We have a #good omens s3 speculation tag, so check that out. Here are more to add that have some kind of humour tag...

a place to be by kaiyen (NR)

In which Crowley moves back into his flat, Aziraphale has problems at work, and the Second Coming of Christ is but a stone's throw away. In the end, Crowley makes it to rolling green hills, leant against a stubbornly yellow Bentley. He remembers the first morning. He had slithered out of the ground not long before dawn, the dirt damp even before the first rain, the grass cool and crisp against his scales. And the sun had risen, jewels spilling across the great blue sky, warm and golden from the East. Crowley – Crawly, then – had wanted to follow it, had felt a great pull Eastwards. He went, too, until he found the ripe red fruit nestled amongst the lush green leaves and knew what they were for. It was luck, then, that the humans had left in the direction of the sunrise. Luck, or– ineffable. The sun rises over the South Downs, and Crowley finally wants to stay.

The Ineffable Shades of Gray (Good Omens Season 3) by altsernative (T)

After returning to Heaven, Aziraphale learns the Metatron's true intentions, finds himself disillusioned, and regrets his choice to leave Crowley, who has been working in the Temptations department. They reunite, and find themselves stopping the final war between Heaven and Hell and learning God and Satan's true intentions for the world and each other.

Demons are Forever by in_a_pickle (T)

After finallly finding the courage to tell his best friend his feelings, Crowley's dreams are shattered when Aziraphale once again chooses Heaven over happiness together. With ‘Great Plans’ afoot upstairs, Aziraphale discovers that the starring role he accepted comes with some unforeseen duties and that Crowley’s kiss has become something of a distraction. Crowley meanwhile is trying to come to terms with a broken heart and is trying to fathom why Heaven is so keen to have Aziraphale back in the fold. A mini adventure with our favourite group of two, written in case I get hit by a bus and never get to find out what happened next.

The Intended Effect by Esme_Abner (E)

A post-S2 fic that begins with a very sad Crowley and a conflicted Aziraphale and a surprisingly not-awful Jesus. It's all building toward our boys reconciling, because like everyone else, my heart is broken and I need to pick up the pieces somehow. And they might try to like save the world again, too.

(I just can't wait for) Season 3 Good Omens! by RCReveal (T)

After Season 2, I really needed to find out how Aziraphale and Crowley could get their reunion: a real reunion & not 'pretendy real'. They both have so much growing to do with neither of them, yet, being able to even say 'I love you' clearly to each other. Angel, what's going on? What kind of doublethink are you doing to still think that Heaven is the Good side & that you can't even admit to being friends? But you'll do anything to protect the World. Crowley, always planning on running. Sorry, but that won't work. If you had run at Armageddon there'd be no here to be in. But somehow, still a little seed of optimism. And wow! what you two can do together! Especially with a little help from old and new friends. So here's a story about averting the Second Coming with that great ensemble cast of characters in Heaven, Hell, and Whickber ST. Long set up, but then starts to speed up, kinda a wild ride from chapter 42 onto the end. This story is at about the same level of cursing, violence (well, maybe a little more Gaiman-esque), humor (definitely much more Terry Pratchett-esque) and romance as that of the second season.

There's a Special Place on Earth for Beings Like You by Kipje (T)

Set two years after Aziraphale leaves to become Supreme Archangel. It’s the Second Coming. Aziraphale is tasked with finding parents for the new Christ and returns to earth. He needs Crowley’s help, but the two haven’t spoken since the break-up. Crowley doesn’t want to forgive the angel, nor does he want to help out with the baby, but he finds it incredibly hard not to get involved. OR Aziraphale and Crowley raise the new Christ together; a girl named Eden. While they try to sort out their feelings and avert the apocalypse. Excerpt: Crowley had always assumed Aziraphale would want to run away with him in order to be together. He had never bothered to ask if there was a version where they would be an ‘us’ on earth. What was Aziraphale supposed to do once they arrived in the Alpha Centauri system. How would that even work with his book collection? Sure, Aziraphale had fallen in love with the demon – and it had taken him a while to be able to admit that – but he had also fallen in love with humanity, with earth. He had never planned on leaving. He knew earth would be no fun without his favourite wily serpent, but that did not mean he would be fine anywhere as long as Crowley was there. He had standards.

- Mod D

#good omens #good omens s2 #good omens s3 speculation #ineffable husbands #humour #mod d

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suspiciouscharacter1895 · 11 months ago

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Good Omens Fic List

At this point, I have produced 11 19 Good Omens fics. If that's the sort of thing you enjoy, peruse my catalog! All these are Crowley/Aziraphale, and most feature angst, cathartic love confessions, and smut (though not all). Have a suggestion? Love one of them? Let a girl know. I love doing this, and I love connecting with people who care about this universe as much as I do. I truly hope you enjoy!

See AO3 for full tags.

No Nightingales (T, 14.7k) Post S2 - It's been a year since Aziraphale left Crowley on Earth and neither of them are faring very well. A moment of crisis brings them together again, and this time it's up to Aziraphale to save Crowley. Plot heavy, mature themes but no sexual content.

Whatever You Want (E, 3.5k) Smutty little sequel to No Nightingales but can absolutely be read as a standalone. Aziraphale works through some guilt and Crowley works through some wish fulfillment. Gentle and loving first time.

Something I Can Do For You (E, 3.2) Post-bullet catch (1941), Aziraphale grapples with the implications of realizing he is in love with his best friend. Lighthearted, loving, slightly desperate first time.

Quite Sure (E, 2.7k) Can be imagined as a sequel to Something I Can Do for You, but doesn't rely on it in any way. Established relationship set 10 years after the bullet catch. Considers when Crowley fell for Aziraphale, featuring meditations on the whole thing with Job and sweet lovemaking, with Aziraphale taking care of Crowley.

Worship in the Bedroom (E, 3.6k) Post-S2 - Aziraphale is back from Heaven and he and Crowley are hiding from Heaven and Hell. No plot really, but lots of worshipful, healing, sensual sex, with Crowley working through some angst and being cared for as he deserves.

The Whole Darn World Seemed Upside Down (E, 5.2k) Post-S1 - Crowley has unresolved feelings he needs to work through. If only he were good at the whole vulnerability thing. Angst and mild conflict, followed by love confessions and...well you know.

Tempt Me (E, 6k) Set in an unspecified future when they figure it all out and are happy together. A fun little romp with Aziraphale being very into Crowley tempting him. Like VERY into it. Light dom/sub elements.

If You Like (E, 4.4k) Set the night of the failed S1 Armageddon. Aziraphale goes back to Crowley’s flat and both of the boys are forced to deal with some long-repressed feelings. If only they were better at talking. Angst-heavy, especially for Crowley.

Worth Knowing (E, 3.6k) Sequel to If You Like set after the Ritz. Aziraphale thought everything would change after they slept together, but everything seems to have gone back to normal. If Crowley isn't going to do anything about that, Aziraphale will. Happy ending! Loving, soft, sweet, love confessions.

Flashes of Love (G, 3.2k) NO SEX TOTALLY WHOLESOME. Set a few weeks after the averted Second Coming (which all worked out fine) in a world where they are happy and together. Aziraphale has an inkling that Crowley may be able to sense and share angelic love in a way most demons can’t. Crowley agrees to give it a shot.

Forgive Me (E, 1.6k) LOTS OF SEX NOT AT ALL WHOLESOME. Post S2 - Aziraphale muses on what he should want from Crowley, and what he actually wants. Both rough and gentle sex follows, entirely imagined by Aziraphale. Heavy angst, please check tags.

My Angel (E, 2k) Companion to Forgive Me, from Crowley's perspective. Pieces can be read in either order or independently. What he should want his first time with Aziraphale to be, and what he actually wants. Both rough and gentle sex follows, entirely imagined by Crowley. Heavy angst.

Might As Well Do It Properly (E, 5.7k) What if Shax and the demon horde didn't show up at Aziraphale's Regency ball? Maybe Aziraphale would use some leftover magic in the air to do something he's been meaning to do for a long time. Gentle, loving first time (with dancing!).

I Need You (E, 3.8k) What if Crowley and Aziraphale were together before the events of S2? What if Aziraphale left anyway? What if he came back, just for one night? Angsty, sexy.

You Were Right (T, 6.2k) The origin of the apology dance in 1650. Crowley does something that could get them both in a lot of trouble. Aziraphale jumps to some conclusions, and has to try to make up for it. Plotty, pining, sweet. T for some mature themes.

Wherever You Are, I’ll Come to You (G, 5.7k) Just after The Fall, Crawly has no memory of who he is or where he comes from. But he has the funniest idea that he needs to find someone. Descriptions of The Fall, an appearance of Lucifer, and some descriptions of C&A’s relationship as angels.

A Favour (G, 3.1k) Two weeks after their memorable evening in 1941, Aziraphale can't get Crowley out of his mind. Then the demon shows up on his doorstep asking for a favor. Mutual pining abounds. My contribution to the GOMM minisode minibang, written based on the delightful art of elliart7.

Something Dangerous (G, 3.7k) Aziraphale draws Crowley sometimes. Always from memory, and he always destroyed the drawings when they're finished. He can never get his eyes just right though. One day in 1963, he tries again. Just gallons of pining.

The Wrong Thing (E, 8.8k) C&A are hunkered down in the bookshop during London's second COVID lockdown. Aziraphale suggests a little truth or dare to liven up an afternoon. Both truths and dares ensue. Bit of fun, bit of emotion, slightly more than a bit of porn.

#good omens #aziraphale #crowley #aziracrow #fanfic #good omens fanfiction #good omens 2 #aziraphale x crowley #ineffable husbands #ineffable divorce

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userslayer · 4 months ago

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Hi! Can you recommend me your favourite spuffy fics? Any genre is welcome I desperately need the void after finishing bingewatching Buffy 😭. Thank u xx

hi! thank you so much for giving me an excuse to share my favorite spuffy works! if you read any of these, please come back and lets talk about it! okay here's the list:

these are all completed on ao3, most of them contain smut, most are oneshots, no deaths/cheating/nothing too dark, some toxic typical s6 stuff but they all have happy endings or hopeful open endings cause i cant stand them being sad!

do you wanna break bread with me?

this is fun, dawn comes out as bi to spike which spirals into everyone realizing they are queer, its pretty touching and domestic.

High Stakes

sexy fun poker smut, no plot, just vibes

Service the Girl

s6 smut but with complicated feelings

(Unintended) You Could Be

there's something about spuffy and roadtrips that hits so right plus parenting dawn, s5 set

i could've been your girl (we've all been here before)

post s7 buffy running into drusilla, starting a relationship and then spike joins them (i might be the only person ever into this pairing)

What Remains

again spuffy roadtrip, sad one cause s5 but they lost the battle and everything, but still have each other

honey and milk are under thy tongue

smut but with complicated s6 feelings plus spike reading poetry

nothing safe is worth the drive (follow you home)

i highly recommend EVERYTHING by this author, my favorite spuffy writer ever. this one is a s5 roadtrip escaping glory and its domestic, funny, sad, sexy and hopeful, felt like watching an episode (i seriously love this one but plz check them all out)

i will follow you into the dark

this one is by the same author but it deserves its own mention. its heartbreaking but healing at the same time, just the most beautiful spuffy work ever

Let's Get Lost

OH THIS ONE, s2 buffy runs away but runs into spike who has a little problem. its so so in character, captured so well both characters and their dynamic where they are all each other have and absolutely hate that

The Choice

s6 dynamic, spike starts seeing a buffy that loves him, its a choice whether he'd rather have that or the real buffy, its pretty sad but u know, they always find each other

Centering

spuffy roadtrip! s5 set, he comforts her through mourning and feeling helpless

What it is to Burn

post everything, long distance relationship that buffy can't stand anymore

What She Deserves

another roadtrip fic, i know so surprising. buffy heals by herself, runs into a spike that felt like she did in 6, she's the one helping him now with an actual healthier dynamic where they both heal

#btvs #buffy the vampire slayer #spuffy #buffy summers #spike #fanfic rec

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ist4rgirlo · 1 year ago

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── 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐝 - 𝐜.𝐟 : 𝐈

Summary: Now that your life has turned upside down, are you still willing to put your siblings' feelings first? Or would you rather fight for your feelings and do what makes you happy regardless of the consequences that might result in the future?

Next || Conrad Fisher x fem!reader || My blog

Warnings: S2 SPOILERS! angst, mentions of death, swearing (lmk if i missed anything!)

SEQUEL TO BEFORE EVERYTHING HAPPENED.

───────────────────────────

Belly's Pov

Susannah passed a long time ago, it's been a long time since everything went downhill. After Susannah passed, a lot of things happened.

Me and Conrad broke up -- well we decided to take a break to focus on much more important things, like me with my studies and volleyball, him with his mom and also college. We got together again but it didn't work out because we became distant.

I was fired as captain for our volleyball team, I just couldn't focus and totally chickened out -- my mind was full of Susannah and Conrad. I got into a fight with my brother, he basically called me selfish, blamed me for ruining his party, his life just because I fell in love.

My sister won't come out of her room, it felt like she was gone too. She doesn't talk to anybody besides Steven. Conrad and Jeremiah would often reach out to her but she never answers them, she shut everyone out.

We're on our way to the beach house after going to Brown, to look for Conrad. He's been missing classes and hasn't been coming home to his dorm, that's what his roommate said -- so now me and Jeremiah are headed there to find him.

That was always that we thought of that he would go to, after all it was always his safe place.

──────────────────────────

Me and Jeremiah arrived at the beach house. All the memories went back, the laughter, the pranks -- everything but it doesn't feel the same, going back here.

Back then, there was excitement, there was joy. But now -- all I felt was fear, I didn't know what to feel, I don't know what I'll say to Conrad. I don't know what to do if I went inside the beach house,

Jeremiah went inside before me. "What is it now Conrad?" I heard Jeremiah say as I walked inside the beach house.

"The house is for sale." Conrad said, as I walked in the living room -- he turned to me. "What do you mean the house is for sale" I asked, looking at both him and Jeremiah.

"What is she doing here?" Conrad asked Jeremiah, his brows furrowed.

It was weird, it felt like a knife was stabbed in my heart. I felt offended, I felt hurt. This wasn't the Conrad that I fell inlove with.

Conrad explained everything, how Aunt Julia was selling the house. Apparently, after Susannah's death, the house was passed to Aunt Julia. Conrad tried calling his dad but his dad says that the house is legally Aunt Julia's and we can't do anything about it. He also asked his dad if he can buy it but no, he doesn't have the money to do that.

It was his safe place. It was everyone's safe place, everyone loves the beach house, it was our second home. We basically grew up here. Everything in here was Susannah, is Susannah. It was a special place for all of us, it always will be.

"So this is why you haven't answering my calls or going to school?" Jeremiah crossed his arms, brows furrowing.

Conrad groaned "Fuck school! I don't care!"

"Connie you need to go back or you will fail your classes!" Jeremiah yelled at him -- trying to bring some sense in Conrad.

"How are you going to become a doctor if you fail your college classes, Conrad?" I said -- my voice filled with Concern. He was my ex but he was also my bestfriend. I still care for him.

"You have no idea what you're talking about." Conrad said, pointing at me. My brows furrowed, I looked at Jeremiah.

"Seriously?" Jeremiah asked Conrad -- defending me. "We went to Brown to check on your ass. You really don't give a shit on anyone but yourself." Jeremiah said before walking away. Conrad sighed before turning his back on.

He won't even look at me. I totally understand him, after the funeral, after our fight, we never talked again. "Sorry if me being here is weird" I paused "But just let Jeremiah help you, let us help you. This house is important to me as much as it is important to you. If Jeremiah wants to stay here then that's his decision to make, not yours"

He just looked at me before hesitating, it was like he wanted to ask me something but he couldn't, he couldn't bring himself to say it. I knew that it was about my sister. Even when we were together back then, there wasn't a time where he didn't ask me about her, I get it. She was his bestfriend.

"Look, if you're going to ask me about my sister, she's not here." I said before sitting down on the couch.

"Oh" Conrad whispered under his breath -- looking down.

"She hasn't been talking to anybody. She basically shut everyone out so I doubt that she'll come here, not after Susannah passed, but maybe you can get something out of her. After all she's your best friend." I said.

Conrad looked at me -- I smiled at him gently "I-I don"t think so, I've been texting her all this time, everyday.. but she hasn't responded to any of my texts."

"Well have you told her about the house?" I asked. Conrad shook his head no, "You should, maybe that'll make her come here, you never know" I smiled at him.

Conrad looked at me and nodded before pulling his phone out — turning around then walked towards the door.

──────────────────────────

Conrad's Pov

I would be lying if I said that I wasn't disappointed when I didn't see Y/N come in to the view. I'm not saying that I hate Belly being there, but Its just — I feel like Y/N would make it much better — make me feel better, maybe she can get some sense in me — after all, she knows me very well.

Before Belly told me that, I pulled out my phone to text Y/N. I've been messaging her everyday, wanting to know if she's okay, waiting for her response.

I know how much Mom's passing affected her, Mom was like a mother to her too, everyone knew how special their bond is — she was Mom's special girl — will always be.

I went and clicked on my message app and started to text Y/N. I told her about the beach house, hoping that it would make her come here. This house was special to her too, I know how much important it is to her. This is where we all had those happy memories, we had to make it stay that way.

I clicked sent before turning my phone off and putting it in my right pocket. I reached on my left pocket, fidgeting with the small box that contains an infinity ring. The infinity ring that I was supposed to give Y/N before we had that talk about me, Belly and her. ───────────────────────────

taglist : @maybankslover @urmomisafinewoman @user3729107491 @melllinaa @anthgoldenhrry @arunabrak @amj2277 @whoisalexa @remuslupinwifee @gulphulp @layanderson @astrvalee @goldenmoonbeam @podiumprincess @johannelis2302nely @silcintilla @smw-96 @apollo3475 @drikawinchester @fangirl-kimora @sanjanapm @milyswrld @scysuxx

hi you guys !! the sequel is finally here :)) I decided to just leave the taglist as it is, I hope that is okay for everyone but yeah ITS FINALLY HERE !!

i am so so excited for everyone to readt it :)) i am so thankful for everyone who has been giving me love recently, I appreciate all of you <3

as usual, lmk if you guys want to get tagged for the next part !! also lmk if you have any requests :))

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hugmekenobi · 8 months ago

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S3: The Bad Batch (9)

Chapter Nine: The Harbinger

Gif by @barissoffee

Hunter x femaleJedi!reader

Series Summary: Ever since Eriadu, Clone Force 99 had been a fractured squad. Months have passed but you're finally back with the Batch but Omega is still out there and you won't stop until you find her again.

Chapter Summary: As you're all awaiting word from Fennec, an unwelcome but familiar face comes to your aid

Masterlist for S1 and S2

<Previous Chapter

Genre: Friends (idiots) to Lovers (we're in the lovers stage now)

Chapter Warnings: Canon-typical violence, swearing, angst (reader and Omega fall out), fluff, limited (y/n), Ventress and reader get into it a bit, brief mention of blood, emotional hurt/comfort, nickname (sweetheart), reader being described as strong cause Hunter can't get enough of that lol, kissing

Word Count: 9K

Author's notes: Yet another chapter that gave me more trouble than I would've liked but I think it came out alright! Yet again @burningfieldof-clover came to my aid and I appreciate it sm! Hope you reader enjoy!

It was an unusually gloomy day by Pabu standards. Fog and dark clouds cast a shadow over the island but that didn’t stop the people from going about their jobs.

“Well, that’s the last of it.” Wrecker said as he lowered the crate for Crosshair to finish transporting into the sailboat. “Go catch something big to eat!” He tossed the fishing line to the fisherwoman.

“You got it, Wrecker.” She replied cheerily. “Thanks for the help, Crosshair.”

Crosshair only acknowledged the thanks with a grunt and toss of his head as he walked off.

Wrecker gave Crosshair’s shoulder a playful slap. “Aw, look at that. You made a new friend.”

“We checked the ship’s comms. Still no word from Fennec.” You said as you and Hunter came down the stairs to join the other two at the docks.

“Since when do we wait around for intel?” Crosshair queried.

You suddenly had one too many horrible flashbacks to your time with Cid.

“Well, she’s the only lead we have. If her contact can tell us what an M-count is besides what we already roughly know, we might figure out why the Empire’s targeting both Omega and you.” Hunter explained with a glance in your direction.

“We already know why they’d be after me. It’s Omega…” You trailed off as you saw the look Hunter was giving you. The two of had gone round and round in this debate since Teth when you’d also appeared on that target register. You maintained the position that you were unrelated to Omega and Hemlock so you shouldn’t be a priority, but Hunter thought that it was too risky to assume that now and so you both needed to be careful.

“Besides, does it matter? We’re not handing them over.” Crosshair said resolutely.

You inclined your head in both thanks and agreement at the sentiment.

“Can’t be prepared if we don’t know what we’re dealing with.” Hunter said before the four of you set off to go find Omega.

“Batcher, wait!” Omega called after the hound as she ran off down the beach, but the dog paid her words no attention.

Omega jogged after her to see her come to a sudden stop and her whines were filled with anxiety. “Batcher? What is it? What’s wrong?” She asked as she gave Batcher some reassuring pats.

Batcher turned towards the dark cave and let out a low growl.

Omega brought out her torch and examined it. “It’s just the cavern. We’ve been in there plenty of times.” But the dog seemed insistent that something was amiss. “Okay, okay, I’ll check it out.”

Omega wandered further into the cavern, and it was then that she came across something very peculiar. “Where did that come from?” She thought aloud as she stared at the unfamiliar ship in the cave. She ran up to give it a closer inspection, but Batcher’s retreating whines made her turn around. “Batcher? Where are you going?” She hissed but a chill ran down her spine as she turned and shone her light on the stranger that appeared.

“Hunter.” Crosshair pointed in the direction of Batcher who came running out in the distance, barking urgently in your direction.

“Where’s Omega?” You voiced worriedly.

The four of you didn’t wait to come up with an answer, instead you ran to meet up with Batcher and you came to a pause as you saw a strange woman dragging Omega out of the cavern.

“I wasn’t doing anything!” Omega grunted as she tried to loosen the stranger’s grip on her. “Let me go!”

“Hey! Let her go!” Wrecker ordered as you all made your way down to the cavern entrance.

“You heard her. Let her go.” Hunter repeated, his voice a low threat.

But you weren’t paying attention to the hold the woman had on Omega.

Instead, you took in her face as she stepped into the light and your heart stopped as you stared at the figure. She may have grown her hair out but there was no mistaking what you saw.

There was no mistaking the disturbance you sensed in the Force.

You recognised that face.

You recognised that raspy, sultry voice.

But what you couldn’t comprehend was the fact that she was actually standing in front of you.

You’d heard word that she’d died.

It may have been a futile gesture because if you could recognise her, she probably recognised you, but you moved your lightsaber out of sight anyway. You didn’t want to give her the temptation and you didn’t want to endanger the others with the confrontation that could unleash.

The figure subtly flicked her eyes over to you but said nothing. It wasn’t the right time yet. Instead, she responded to the clone’s demands. “Gladly.” She released her hold on the child.

Omega dashed over to the four of you.

“You know, for a rogue squad who are trying to lay low, you’re failing spectacularly.” She commented, unimpressed with the group in front of her. “Especially that one.” She looked down at the kid.

“And who are you?” Crosshair asked guardedly.

“Fennec sent me.”

“We never gave her our coordinates. How’d you find us?” Hunter questioned.

“I have my ways. I hear you’ve been asking questions about M-count.” She came closer to you all and crossed her arms. “Very reckless to inquire about such things. It attracts the wrong kind of attention.”

“And why is that?”

“That’s the real question, isn’t it?” She shot back. “First, tell me why you want this information.” But she was met with a firm silence. “Consider it my payment.”

“We already paid Fennec for the intel.” Hunter said.

“Not my problem. Either talk or I go.”

No one talk, no one talk. You begged internally as the others all crossed their arms and stayed quiet.

“It’s for a friend.” Omega said hastily.

It took a lot of willpower to hold back the expletives than ran through your head.

“The Empire’s after her, and she thinks it’s because of some M-count experiment they’re doing.” Omega continued, stumbling slightly over the words. “But we don’t know what that means.” She didn’t divulge what you’d already theorised and dismissed because that could endanger you.

You loved Omega, but fuck did you wish she could be a little better at lying. You then noticed the icy blue ices flit towards you again, but it was so quick, you knew the others hadn’t picked up on it.

“It’s something in the blood. Everyone has it, but at varying levels. Those with a high count, were believed to be more capable of wielding the Force.”

“The Force? You mean Jedi.” Hunter realised. He and Crosshair closed ranks whilst Wrecker put his hands protectively on Omega’s shoulders.

You stayed rooted to the spot, but felt the confused glances being sent your way and no wonder- that had been the one thing you’d ruled out instantly and now it was being suggested again. There was no way you’d been that blind… you couldn’t have been that blind to something like this, could you?

“You’re saying I’m a Jedi?” Omega gasped excitedly before she realised that she’d already given the lie away. Then another type of realisation hit her. She looked over at you only to find you frozen where you were, the only sign of life being the look of alarm on your face. “Wait-”

“Of course not. Your blood doesn’t make you a Jedi. You’d have to be trained for that. And I’ve never known a clone to be Force-sensitive. But clearly, none of you are normal.”

Okay, that was supporting what you’d already said at least.

“You got that right.” Wrecker said proudly.

“The Kaminoans did make millions of you. So I suppose it’s possible. But if you do have a high M-count, consider yourself warned. The Empire will hunt you down.”

Again, those eyes darted between you and Omega.

“There’s your intel.” She finished and turned to walk away.

Omega shrugged out of Wrecker’s hold and darted in front of her. “Wait!”

“Move, child.”

“So is that why the Empire’s been after me?”

“I can’t determine your midi-chlorian levels without testing you.”

“Then test me. I can handle it.” Omega insisted.

Your stomach dropped to your feet and your blood ran cold as you heard those words. “No.” You blurted out.

The others all looked at you in surprise since that was the first time you’d spoken or moved since arriving.

“No. You’re not testing her.” You said again, more forcefully this time and you walked closer to the two of them and placed yourself between her and Omega.

“(Y/N), stop.” Omega tried to get you to move but you weren’t budging.

“You should listen to her, child. The truth is rarely comforting.” The woman stalked off and waited further inside the cave. She already knew the outcome of what was to come.

“Why can’t I get tested?” Omega demanded, her brow furrowing in anger as she looked at you.

“Because she’s dangerous!”

“But she wants to help me!”

“She’s not just anyone, Omega. That’s Asajj Ventress and you’re not going near her!” You said protectively.

The name meant nothing to her, and Omega just shook her head. “Or is it because you don’t want me to be like you too?”

In a way you didn’t because you knew the added danger that would put her in, but you knew that wasn’t what she was implying with those words. You took a step back in shock, “No, Omega, I swear I-”

“You never told me about these tests. I need answers and she’s the only one prepared to give them to me! You could have but didn’t!”

And that very fact was going to haunt you. You looked at her imploringly. “Omega, please-”

“I need to know what I am, and you were never going to let me find out.”

Your throat closed up as you heard the betrayal in her voice. “Omega-” You breathed as you attempted to reach for her, but she stepped away from you.

“No. You had your chance.” With that, Omega and went to stand in front of the woman she now knew as Ventress.

“Just remember, you asked for this.” Ventress said to the young clone.

Hunter tried to catch your shoulder, but you just powered past him.

Stay with Omega and do not let her out of your sight. You said to him as you shoved through the rest of them.

Hunter still found himself torn as he watched you leave. He took a half step in your direction before he paused and turned in the direction of Omega and Ventress.

“I’ll go.” Crosshair offered. “We need to check Tech’s files to see if she’s right and you two should stay here first.”

Hunter nodded his thanks before he and Wrecker followed Omega and Ventress into the cavern.

You anxiously paced up and down the corridor of the Marauder. How had you messed up this badly? The answer had been staring you in the face! But instead of covering all your bases, you just rejected it without thinking! In your urge to keep Omega safe, you had done the very opposite and you’d hurt her. The one thing you’d never thought yourself capable of doing and you’d done it. And now you had pushed her in the direction of a Sith assassin! “Fucking dammit!” You shouted as you punched the wall, the emotional turmoil you were experiencing in the Force meant the area you had hit caved in on itself.

“Oh, good. I never liked that wall.” Crosshair drawled as he stepped on board.

You heaved an irritated sigh as you rectified the dented metal. “Why are you here? You need to be back at the cavern.”

“You dropped a pretty big name. We need to make sure you’re right. I mean, we can’t just take your word for it anymore- in case you’ve forgotten why we’re now in this mess.” He added pointedly.

You turned your head to sharply in his direction, “I’m very fucking aware.” You snarled as you retreated to the cockpit and started pacing again.

“So, you got something wrong, it happens.” Crosshair said nonchalantly as he pulled out Tech’s datapad and brought up his old files.

“This is a pretty big something, Crosshair.” You snapped as you collapsed into a seat in the cockpit, but your leg continued to bounce restlessly. “But it’s definitely Ventress and she shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near Omega.”

“Or you.” Crosshair reminded you as he continued to scroll through the files.

“I don’t fucking matter right now.” You said angrily as you stared at the floor.

“There are four people that would disagree.” Crosshair replied before he went still as he found the correct file. “Well, you can at least say you were right about this.” Crosshair showed you the older image of Ventress but there was no mistaking the similarities. His body language and voice were more serious now.

“Get Omega out of there but do not engage Ventress.” You wished you could go with him, but if you went back in your current emotional state, there was no telling what might happen.

“This is the test?” Omega asked as she struggled to maintain her balance. She had done as Ventress had instructed and stood with her arms out and one legs raised whilst the other foot stood on the wet rock. She was supposed to balance like this and keep the fruit on top of her head, but she kept sliding.

“One of them.” Ventress replied as she stood behind her.

“But the rock is…” Omega grunted as she had to catch her balance again. “…slippery. Can we go someplace else?” But Ventress didn’t answer so she asked another question, “How does standing on one-leg have anything to do with M-count?”

“You’re focused on the wrong things. Stop trying to have balance. Let go of your conscious mind.”

“ ‘Conscious mind’?” Omega repeated. “I don’t even know what that means.”

Ventress merely sighed and caught the fruit mid air as Omega fell forward. “Try again.” She tossed the fruit back to her.

“Come on, Omega! You can do it!” Wrecker cheered supportively as he and Hunter stood further back in the cave.

“Why don’t you two make yourselves scarce?” Ventress requested as she looked at them.

“She doesn’t leave our sight. And neither do you.” Hunter replied coldly.

“How fun for me.” Ventress said dryly as she kept her eyes on them but caught the fruit as Omega fell over. “Again.” She brought her focus back to the kid and gave her the fruit back.

Omega did find herself curious as to how you already knew Ventress and how she was aware of these tests. “Since you know about these tests, you must be a Jedi, right?” She placed the fruit back on her head.

“No, but I know some of their ways.”

Omega’s brow furrowed in confusion. “But how do you-”

Ventress gripped Omega’s jaw and covered her mouth. “Enough questions. Concentrate.”

Omega inhaled and exhaled deeply and worked on grounding herself in the current moment.

Hunter and Wrecker kept their eyes on the two of them as they wandered over to meet Crosshair who had re-entered the cave.

“I checked Tech’s files from the Republic archives. She was right.” He showed the others the screen. “Asajj Ventress.”

Hunter took that in before he got ready with his next question, “And how’s-”

“As you’d expect.” Crosshair responded. “But she’ll be fine once we deal with this.” He said as he jutted his chin over to Ventress.

“Why would a Separatist assassin be helping us?” Wrecker wondered.

“Who says that’s what she’s doing?” Crosshair countered.

The distrust that Ventress had already been sensing from them was now coming to a point and she readied herself for what was about to happen. But first, she needed the kid out of here. “Well? What happened?” She asked as she heard the child fall over yet again.

Omega sighed, “I told you. It’s too slippery.” She gratefully took Ventress’ outstretched hand. “I’ll start over.”

Ventress saw out of the corner of her eye that the three clones had advanced towards her. “No need. We’re moving on to the next test. There’s a weeping maya tree up in the colonnade. Retrieve one of its white blossoms and return before the sun sets.”

“It’s too far away.” Omega protested. “And- well the sun’s already started s-” The look Ventress gave her silenced any further arguments so all that was left to do was start running.

Ventress kept her back to the clones. “Now that she’s gone, let me give you some advice. Whatever you’re planning on doing won’t end well for you. The one that could actually challenge me is no longer with you.” She turned and felt into the Force around them, and the words got reaction she expected, but there was a different type of intensity from the clone with the skull tattoo and that intrigued her. She walked a few paces. “Think carefully. How do you want this to go?” She studied the unfriendly faces. “You asked for my help. Remember?”

“That’s before we realised who you are.” Hunter said. “Now leave.”

“You know, she knew very well who I was, and if she’d done her job right, I wouldn’t need to be here.” Ventress goaded.

“Leave.” Hunter repeated firmly, doing his best to keep his reactions steady.

But he couldn’t control the ripple in the Force around him that Ventress picked up on and she grew even more curious as to the relationship between the two of you. “I’ll consider it, once I’ve finished testing Omega’s abilities.” She saw the shared looks between them and decided it was time to test how far their protectiveness extended. “Or maybe I’ll stick around here a bit longer.”

“Wrong. Get in your ship and go. Before we make you.” Wrecker threatened.

“You can try.” She crooned.

“We’ve taken down worse.” Crosshair retorted.

“So have I.” She summoned the Force and took their blasters from them. “No cheating.” She said in a sing-song voice before she welcomed their attack.

You were feeling more level-headed now and decided to head to the cave since there was no sign of the others yet and if there was anything you could do to help with the process, that’s what you were going to do.

You stepped out of the Marauder and lightly jogged down the winding levels of Pabu, but a figure bumped into you just as you came down one of the staircases, panting hard. “Omega? What are you doing here?”

“Can’t talk. Need… to find Batcher.” Omega said breathlessly as she tried to dart past you.

“Hold on.” You caught her upper arm. “Why? Where are the others?”

“They’re… back… at the… cave.” Omega managed to get her breathing under control. “Ventress told me to go. It’s the second test and I’ve got to get to the maya tree and back before sunset!”

“Ventress sent you out?” Alarm bells started ringing in your head. “And the others are still there?” You double checked, your panic growing by the second.

“I just said that! Now I’ve got to go!”

But you’d already released her and had started to sprint in the direction of the cave.

Omega watched you go in confusion. That hadn’t been the reaction she’d expected- you had looked… worried? She didn’t have time to linger over it. She whistled for Batcher as she heard the familiar bark. “Hey, girl. I’m gonna need some help. I need to get to the Archium, and fast.” She hopped on Batcher’s back.

The sight of the three of them at her mercy sent a stab of cold fear through your heart. Crosshair was hunched over and holding his ribs in agony but what terrified you more was the fact that Ventress had Wrecker in a Force-choke whilst her blade was pointed at Hunter who was sprawled on the cave floor.

And while your mind may have jumped to slightly more ill-timed and inappropriate scenarios upon seeing Hunter’s legs spread like that, you quickly brought your concentration back to the issue at hand.

You called on the Force and pushed Ventress into the cave wall. You then heard Wrecker’s coughs and gasps for air, and you saw in your peripheral the way Hunter attempted to stand up. Stay down. You told him as you kept your eyes fixed on Ventress.

Ventress pushed herself up off the floor and wiped away the blood that dripped from a fresh cut on her mouth. “I was wondering when the Jedi would come out to play.” She sneered as she reignited her lightsaber.

She advanced towards you once more. “I wonder if you’ll even provide me with more of a challenge than that lot- not a very impressive bunch. I could do you a favour by ridding you of them, particularly that one.” She scorned as she looked to the clone with the skull tattoo. She sniggered at you as she sensed swell of emotions in the Force around you that proved her suspicions.

You glared at her and clenched your jaw but said nothing, you only unclipped your lightsaber and ignited it. The blue blade came thrumming to life as you let the connection between you and the weapon flow through you.

Ventress swung her lightsaber towards the centre of your chest.

You blocked her move and the fight between you got underway.

The others could only watch the two of you in quiet awe. Yellow and blue blades clashed against each other in well-timed and well-placed strikes. Both of your movements were so fluid, it looked like the two of you were engaged in a coordinated dance- only the stakes were much greater in this. And it was far more tense to just watch.

You were on the back-foot, there was no denying that fact, Ventress had a higher skillset, and you were out of practice. You’d only really been able to work on deflecting blaster fire and going over the different stances and fight positions could only get you so far.

But what did give you an edge was that you were fighting for your family and the people you loved and that gave you a different type of strength which kept you in with a shot.

Ventress continued her aggressive assault, but you were blocking her strikes with a degree of finesse she hadn’t been expecting. You weren’t backing down as easily as she thought you might. She had thought the argument with the child and seeing the clones in danger would unbalance you, but it seemed to fire you up and there was no loss of control. Clearly emotions didn’t distract you like they used to do with your fellow Jedi, so she had to push them in a different direction, “Falling for a clone? What would your precious Jedi Council say?” Ventress provoked again as she swung her blade around for another strike.

“Well, lucky for me they’re all dead.” You snarked back as you redirected the next jab of her lightsaber into the cave floor before you flipped over her head. But you didn’t turn in time, and she was able to land a harsh kick to your side that sent you stumbling to your knees.

You barely had time to stand up before she was on you again. You angled your blade up as she brought her blade down towards you. Your front left leg bent forwards whilst your other leg was in a lunge behind you, your knee down towards the ground and your back arched as she pushed yours closer to your face.

“I remember you. Your master died on Felucia didn’t he? During a recon mission.” Ventress said cruelly as she held her blade on top of yours.

You felt your foot slide behind you as she pressed her blade against yours, but you weren’t going to let her words unravel you- she wouldn’t win that particular fight with you. “I’d rather that than know he got bored and just left me for dead.” You smirked as you saw the words had the intended effect. You felt the wave of emotion that surged around her, and you felt the pressure against your blade drop which meant you were able to push back against her.

You pulled your blade away from hers and landed a sharp kick to her stomach to create some distance between you both. “What’s the matter, Ventress? Still not over Dooku dropping you without a second thought?” You mocked.

Ventress snarled and lunged for you again.

Her moves were becoming more undisciplined, so they were easier to block and gain the upper hand. “I don’t know how you still showed your face after that, if my master pulled something like that, I’d be pretty fucking humiliated.” You continued to press as she now became the one who had to block your strikes.

Ventress backed off for a moment to regain the composure she was surprised to find she’d so quickly lost. She’d underestimated your emotional control and you’d managed to turn things around rather rapidly. If she wasn’t careful, the outcome of this would not be favourably for her.

You didn’t give her much time to recover. “And since you want to talk about falling for people, why don’t we talk about Quinlan?” When you’d first heard rumours of her death, that had been a familiar name to go along with it, so it had been a gamble to use it, but it worked. It had been the breaking point you needed to hit.

Ventress released an enraged shout and lunged forwards.

You ducked under her uncoordinated swing, but it was a move that also left you vulnerable and she gathered herself quicker than you’d anticipated.

As you rose and jutted your blade out, it stopped by the side of her neck just as hers stopped by yours. You could feel the heat from the blade as it hummed against your skin, but you did not flinch.

You did not falter.

You held her stare.

And waited.

“I’ve got the white blossom! Wh- what’s going on? Stop!” Omega shouted as she re-entered the cavern and saw the way her lying on the rocks, brothers were beaten and sore, and how you and Ventress were standing off– your blades at each other’s throats.

“She’s been lying to you, Omega. She’s a war criminal.” You said you did not yield to Ventress yet.

“Times have changed. Something you all should be familiar with.” Ventress replied.

“We are not the same.” You growled.

“No? Clones and Jedi were pawns in the same war as was I. And we all lost.” She disengaged her lightsaber first and stared you down. “The Empire is more dangerous than you could possibly fathom. I’m many things but I am not your enemy. Not anymore.”

You breathed heavily as you looked at her, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it, not when she could’ve killed them and decided not to. For that reason, you found part of yourself believing what she said. You deactivated your blade and watched her go to her ship.

Omega dashed over to the others to make sure they were fine.

You reattached your lightsaber and placed your hands on your hips as they all got to their feet. “Everyone alright?” When they nodded, you spoke more sternly and more seriously than you ever had with them before. “Good. All of you get to the Marauder right now.” You turned on your heels and made your way out the cave.

“Uh… are we in trouble?” Wrecker asked Hunter apprehensively, his throat still slightly sore from experiencing what he just had.

Hunter let out a knowing sigh as he watched you go. “Yeah, we’re in trouble.”

The others could only watch and listen from their seats as you strode up and down the cockpit- each step punctuated by a new reprimand.

“Of all the irresponsible…”

“Thoughtless…”

“Misguided…”

“Reckless…”

“Idiotic…”

“Foolish…”

“Rash…”

“And downright stupid plans that you could come up with… that was by far the worst one!” You stopped mid stride and faced them all. “You do not go up against a Sith assassin with just three people and blasters! That was a fight you were never going to win!”

“Hey, we were just getting warmed up.” Wrecker protested but your answering glare had him looking down at the floor sheepishly.

“And you! Exactly what part of ‘do not engage’ was unclear?!” You said heatedly in Crosshair’s direction who just shrugged and continued to chew his toothpick, but you saw a flash of regret behind his eyes. “She could’ve killed you guys; do you understand that?!”

“Sweetheart-”

“No!” You shook your head at Hunter to stop him before you continued, “She could’ve killed you all if I hadn’t shown up in time!”

“You did.” Hunter reminded you gently.

“But I didn’t!” You tossed your hands in the air and then gestured to each of them, starting with Hunter. “She had a lightsaber pointed at your neck!”

You then focused on Wrecker. “She was choking the life out of you!”

Then you shifted to Crosshair. “And you were out for the count keeled over in pain, and it wouldn’t have taken much for her to finish you off!”

You addressed them all as a group again, “I don’t know why she didn’t follow through, but she could’ve ended everything right then and there, and I wouldn’t have arrived in time to stop it.” The thought took the wind right out of you, and you inhaled sharply and braced your hands on your knees. “You are all I have left. I can’t lose-” You straightened up. “I can’t lose any of you.” You repeated softly. “Not like that.”

Hunter slowly got to his feet and walked over to you. He put his hands on your shoulders to reassure you, “We’re okay.” He said, his voice a quiet murmur as he looked at you. “We’re okay.” He whispered again as he brushed the back of his fingers against your cheek.

You felt some of the stress and upset evaporate under his touch, “Do you have any idea what it’s like to have to owe someone like that something?”

“Can’t imagine it feels great.” Hunter acknowledged, a half-smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

You managed a small smile of your own before you pulled away and looked over at Omega. “You’re done. No more tests.”

Omega frowned at you. “No way! I passed one of them and she still has more she can show me!”

“Omega, I’m telling you she can’t be trusted. You don’t know the things she did during the war. All of us do.” You replied, doing a broad sweep of the space to the rest of the squad.

“Okay, but it’s like you said, she didn’t kill them when she had the chance. She can’t really be as bad as you say.” Omega rebuked.

You hung your head with a sigh, “Omega…”

“I don’t know much about the war, but things are different now. People can change.”

“You’re being naïve.” Crosshair chimed in.

“I never gave up on you, did I?” Omega pointed out.

That made Crosshair pause and reflect more on the situation than he would’ve initially liked.

“I say we give her a chance.” She then looked glumly down at the floor, “Besides, Ventress hasn’t held anything back from me.”

Your breath caught in your throat and suddenly the ship began to feel incredibly small. You hurried outside.

Hunter immediately got up to follow you out, but he stopped and glanced down at Omega. He knew how badly she needed to know the truth of her situation and it outweighed the concerns the rest of them had. “I trust you. We won’t interfere but at the first sign of trouble, it stops. Understand?”

Omega nodded gratefully.

“But you need to ease up on her. She knows she messed up, but she cares about you, Omega, don’t forget that.” Hunter said before he walked out the Marauder and over to the maya tree where you were now sitting.

“She’s right. She’s completely right.” You said as Hunter approached and sat down next to you.

“You need to imagine how Omega feels. To her, it seems like you deliberately kept something from her that could give her more common ground with you. She looks up to you, if she knew there was a chance of something that could bring you and her closer, of course she would want to latch onto it. You can’t blame her for wanting to know.” He said honestly as he squeezed your thigh in comfort.

You brought your head back against the tree trunk and stared up at the night sky, “And that’s what kills me. I should’ve been the one to help her find out the truth, instead I just kept her in the dark and thought I knew best.”

“You’re putting too much blame on yourself. You’re human and you made a mistake. It doesn’t-”

Your frustration got the better of you and you got to your feet. “Who else am I supposed to blame, Hunter?! This is on me! I hurt Omega! I let her down!” You blinked back the angry tears that threatened to spill from your eyes.

Hunter stood up and tentatively reached for you. His eyes softened in concern as he saw the anguish written across your face and it pained him to see you so affected by this. “Sweetheart-”

You began your distressed pacing again, “I could’ve tested her; I know how to, and I didn’t! If I hadn’t just rejected the possibility of her being like me and actually done the tests, Ventress wouldn’t have stayed, and we’d be no worse off than we are now! Instead, Imight as well have guided Omega to her! And I endangered the rest of you in the process! All of you could be dead because I couldn’t do one simple thing!”

“Stop.” Hunter caught your wrist and stepped in front of you, but you averted your eyes from his. “Look at me.” But you ignored him. “Please, look at me.” He said soothingly as he delicately tilted your chin up.

Your throat bobbed with the effort of keeping the tears at bay.

Hunter stroked a hand through your hair, “Everything is going to be okay. Omega’s a good kid, she’s just hurting right now. Give it time and you two will be alright.” He pulled you to his chest and held you close. “She’s still a clone, still one of us. Loyalty runs in her blood. She’ll come around.”

It was automatic the way you relaxed into his hold and wrapped your arms around his back. She’s doing another test tomorrow, isn’t she? You asked as you rested your head in the crook of his neck.

“We can watch from a far but we’re not interfering unless we have to.” Hunter murmured as he pressed his lips to your temple.

You heaved a deep breath but accepted that that was to be the course of action.

“Come on, we should get some rest.” Hunter released his hold on you and intertwined his hand in yours as he led you back to the ship.

“No chaperones today?” Ventress observed as the young clone came to stand next to her as she waited by the docks.

“Nope. You said, ‘no distractions.’”

Ventress only glanced down at the hound that remained by the girl’s side. “I’m surprised you came to find me. I can’t imagine your Jedi friend is particularly pleased about this. They all must have told you about the things I’ve done.”

“They did.” Omega said animatedly. “But you also stuck around instead of leaving, so I think you’re trying to help me. And you may have history with (Y/N) but you like us. I can tell.” She added victoriously.

“You’re an odd little clone.”

“Thanks.” Omega replied cheerily. “So what did the tests tell you?”

“You failed the first one.” Ventress said as she passed her by and headed for the boat.

“But I passed the second. That has to mean something, right?” Omega reminded her optimistically.

“Hmm. We’ll see.” Ventress boarded the ship. “Get in. Time for your final test.”

Omega bid Batcher farewell before she too stepped aboard and offered Ventress a warm and sincere smile.

“Stop smiling. It’s unsettling.” Ventress griped as she clicked the controls that would set the boat in the direction of the open sea.

“Should we be out this far?” Omega asked. She could barely see Pabu anymore; the clouds had grown darker and there was more of a fog out here.

“It’ll be easier to concentrate.”

“On what, exactly?”

“Many who wield the Force have an affinity for nature. They connect with things that respond to their energy.”

“Oh! I know about that! (Y/N) has done it a bunch of times!”

“And yet she never thought to show you.”

Omega glanced away to mask her reaction to the comment.

Ventress rolled her eyes. The attachments between you all were so glaringly obvious, it was no wonder the child had not been exposed to the potential of a Jedi way of life. You undoubtedly didn’t want to risk her safety any more than what was at play already. “Now’s your chance to give it a try.” She brought one of the rudders up to the surface for Omega to stand on.

Omega stepped onto it and awaited further instructions.

“Close your eyes and reach out.”

“For what?” Omega queried uncertainly.

“Everything.”

Omega took the cryptic advice and began.

Wrecker lowered his macrobinoculars. “I don’t like this. We should be out there with her.” Wrecker said with an uneasy sigh.

“We gave Omega our word we wouldn’t intervene.” Hunter reminded him, taking his sights away from his own binoculars.

“You did.” Crosshair interjected.

“Besides, Ventress won’t do anything right now. She’ll know you’re watching.” You said unhappily as you leaned against the stone column, one foot braced behind you, arms crossed.

Wrecker raised his binoculars again. “We’re so far away, there’s no chance…” He trailed off with a shocked gasp as he saw Ventress looking directly in his line of vision. “How’d she know we’re watching?!”

“Same way I’d know.” You grumbled.

Omega released a frustrated grunt and opened her eyes. “Forget it.”

“Giving up so soon?”

“This isn’t working. I don’t feel anything. I don’t even know what I’m supposed to be doing.” Omega replied, her voice rising in aggravation. “This is a waste of time.”

“I blame those four overprotective shadows for your lack of training and discipline.” Ventress said critically.

Omega turned to her and rested her hands on her hips indignantly. “I am trained.”

Ventress got to her feet. “This is different than being a soldier, something you’d know had the Jedi told you of your possibilities. Even if you have Force potential, they can’t show you how to tap into it and she certainly won’t- she’s too worried about what other danger that could put you in to allow you to explore that.”

Omega lifelessly jumped back into the boat, sat down, and crossed her arms. Even if Ventress was right, you were all still her family and she couldn’t just dismiss that.

“Since you seem content with that, perhaps this is a waste of time.” Ventress mused.

“I bet you don’t understand any of this either. (Y/N) even struggles to explain it sometimes.” Omega argued. “So, why should I listen to you?”

Ventress simply glided to the edge of the boat enacted the instructions she had told Omega before. She listened to the wind around her, the sounds of the waves lapping against the boat and felt beneath the water for the thriving life that lived there.

Omega watched in awe as schools of luminous green fish appeared from the deep. Whether she wanted to admit it or not, you both may not be able to always coherently explain how it worked but what you did say clearly meant something.

“I’m not the one holding back.” Ventress said, exhaling deeply and letting go of the connection.

But then something shifted, there was a low bellowing sound coming from the deep and both of them watched in confusion as the fish hurriedly swam away.

“What happened? Why’d they go?” Omega asked.

Her question was soon answered as a giant sea creature crashed beneath the bottom of their boat, making is spin out of control.

“Did you summon that?” Omega asked as she stared at the creature as it broke to the surface with a piercing screech, yellow algae dripping from its mouth.

“Not intentionally.” Ventress programmed the boat to head back to the docks.

You pushed off the column as you felt a creeping disturbance settling in your veins and Crosshair’s words confirmed it.

“Well, that doesn’t look good.” He stated as he saw the action through his scope.

“Get to the Marauder.” Hunter ordered.

The boat didn’t make it very far. The vessel was completely capsized by the creature, and they went flailing into the water.

They treaded water for a moment before Omega felt a tentacle wrap around her leg and pull her under.

Ventress dived after her and dodged the other tentacles as she ignited her lightsaber and cut through the one that was pulling Omega further down. She grabbed her and made a break for the surface.

Omega gasped for oxygen as she reached the open air and the two of them quickly swam to their upturned boat and stood on top of it. They watched as the Marauder came flying into view and fired down on the creature but, judging by the enraged screeches and flailing of tentacles, that seemed to only anger it further.

“Your friends are making things worse. I can do this on my own!” Ventress yelled above the chaos. She let the tentacle that came for her wrap around her body and bring her closer to its mouth. She didn’t focus on the danger of the situation, she only focused on bridging the connection between the animal and her.

Omega brought out her comm, “Hunter, stop firing. Ventress can handle it.”

“Doesn’t look like it from up here.”

“You’d trust (Y/N) in this situation, you should trust her too!”

Hunter glanced beside him to where you were sitting in the co-pilot’s chair expecting to see disagreement but instead- despite the reluctance on your face- you nodded your head.

Omega looked on in admiration as she saw the creature quiet down and let out an affection rumble as Ventress pressed her hand against its face.

“You actually did it.” She breathed as the animal set Ventress back down and retreated back to the depths. She’d never seen that gift be used to actually calm a threat before, she’d only ever see you do it on non-threatening animals and it gave her a true indication as to what you could be capable of too.

“Don’t sound so surprised.” Ventress quipped.

The Marauder came back around, and Crosshair descended the steps. He reached a handout to Omega to help her up before he offered the same courtesy to Ventress.

The group of you were back at the cavern as you anxiously awaited the results from Ventress.

“Did you figure it out? Do I have a high M-count?” Omega inquired as Ventress exited her ship and came towards you all.

“From what I’ve seen? No.”

You held back the massive sigh of relief that threatened to leave your lungs but despite apparent good news, something about it still didn’t sit right.

Omega hung her head in disappointment. She was still without the answers she so desperately wanted. “Then why’s the Empire after me?”

“Believe it or not, I don’t know everything. But seeing as how a high M-count would make you a target…” Her eyes shot over to you. “…Consider yourself lucky.” She looked back down at Omega.

“But I’m already a target.”

Wrecker walked up and placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “Uh, don’t worry about it, kid. We’re gonna figure it out. Come on. Let’s go get some chow.”

Omega sighed, “Thanks. For trying.”

Ventress gave her a small nod in acknowledgement before the kid walked away and she turned her attention back to the three of you that stayed behind.

“You’re lying.” Crosshair stated suspiciously.

“About which part?” Ventress replied coyly.

Hunter narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms, “You tell us.”

“If Omega did have that potential, she’d have to be trained, which would mean leaving you behind.”

“That’s not happening.” Hunter said immediately.

“And it wouldn’t need to.” You added firmly.

“I don’t think you realise just how unique you really are.” Ventress said to you. “But even with your affinity for handling attachment, you let it get the best of you when it came to the child. You let your urge to protect her cloud your better judgement and that undoubtedly would be a problem in training her. So, what you want is irrelevant. The fact is, the Empire is after her and they’re after you…” She then looked between you all, “And they won’t stop.”

“And are you going to help them?” You challenged.

“Don’t insult me, I have no interest in the Empire’s agenda towards our kind. Plus, I don’t fancy getting into another brawl with you all even if I wanted to turn you in.” Ventress added as she saw the way the two clones tensed up and your hand drifted back to your lightsaber. She addressed you all as a group again, “So, if I were you, I’d leave this place. You’re not as safe as you think you are.” Ventress turned her back on the three of you but before she left, she said over her shoulder, “Our business is done.” She carried on walking away.

“I still can’t figure out what side you’re on.” Crosshair said.

“My own.” She responded calmly without stopping.

“You’re not worried about the Empire coming after you?” Hunter called to her back.

That made Ventress wait. “They can try. But I’ve got a few lives left.” She said cryptically.

You all made your way back to the Marauder as her ship took off.

Crosshair and Hunter paused as they saw you halt by the steps.

You nodded to them to go head in. Omega, can we talk?

Omega gave a small wave of farewell to Wrecker and the others when they entered as she left to join you outside the Marauder. She saw you open your mouth to speak but she jumped in ahead of you, “I’m sorry I gave you such a hard time. I just…” She trailed off as she saw you shaking your head.

You crouched down and rested your hands on her shoulders, “You have nothing to be sorry for, Omega. Absolutely nothing. I’m the one that needs to apologise to you.” You took a breath, “I’m sorry I never told you about the tests.”

Omega tilted her head at you, but she saw genuine remorse in your eyes. “Why didn’t you? Why did I have to hear about them from Ventress?” She asked, a hint of sadness in her voice.

You inhaled deeply and Ventress’ words lingered in your head, “I love you, kid, I just want you to be safe. I think in my urge to do so, I neglected to do the things that could truly ensure that. I got too concerned with what risks of the results of those tests could mean that I felt it was better to not even entertain the possibility.”

“I mean, you were right. I’m not Force-sensitive and we still have no idea what an M-count means for me.” Omega said gloomily.

“I may have been right…” You said gently, “…but I should’ve been more thorough and told you about the tests and carried them out. I shouldn’t have kept you in the dark and for that I am so sorry. I got what protecting you meant all twisted in my head.”

Omega looked down and scuffed the ground with the toe of her boot, “So… it wasn’t because you didn’t want me to be like you?” She whispered.

Your heart went out to her immediately and you hated that you had ever given that impression. “Oh, honey, no.” You brushed through the loose strands of hair that came to rest just past her forehead. “My only concern with it was that it would put you in more danger than you’re already in. It’s not easy being a Jedi in the best of circumstances, let alone how things are now.” You affectionately brought her chin up so she would meet your gaze as you said warmly, “But if you had been, I would’ve loved to share that experience with you.”

Omega’s expression softened as she heard the sincerity in your words. “I’m not that lost kid you found on Kamino; you don’t have to make choices for me. I can handle more now.”

Ventress may have been right about you in this situation, but it wasn’t one you were ever wanting to repeat. You could change. You would change. “I won’t make decisions like that for you anymore and I won’t hide things from you, you have my word.” You promised.

Omega exhaled a breath of relief, “I don’t like falling out with you.” She said quietly, a forgiving smile on her face.

You chuckled lightly. “I don’t like it either.” You brought her in for a hug. Let’s not do it again, okay?

Omega hugged you back tightly in answer.

All was quiet in the Marauder, save for the familiar snores coming from Wrecker’s bunk and the occasional whine from Batcher as she dreamt but nothing felt amiss.

You and Hunter were yet to fall asleep. The night was when the two of you had an opportunity to switch off for a moment and be in each other’s company without having to worry about the others seeing and commenting. It was a time where the two of you didn’t need to be Sergeant and Jedi or think about the Empire but where it could just be you and Hunter.

You were laying on top of his arm as he hugged you into his side. One of your legs was hoisted over his lap as you nuzzled into him and touched the necklace on his chest that sat proudly on display over his sleep clothes. The two of you were sharing in light, delicate kisses between breaths as you lay together.

“Did I mention how impressive you looked going up against Ventress today?” Hunter said quietly against your lips into the silence of the ship.

Do I not look like that anyway? You teased as you left featherlight kisses along the column of his neck.

“Yes, smartass.” Hunter breathed as he focused on the sensation of your lips on his skin.

Well, no you didn’t, but I’d rather you never gave me a reason to have to do that in the first place. You glanced up at him with a playful scolding expression.

“Hmm, well if you look as strong and capable as you did today, I might just have to risk it.” Hunter kidded as he kissed the crown of your head whilst his free hand ran up and down your thigh.

You narrowed your eyes at him but there was an amused smile on your face. You traced your lips along his jaw. Oh really?

He hummed in an affirmative answer before he brought his lips to yours in a soft, tender kiss like the ones before- one that did not have to lead to anything more. But as he felt your twist your hands in his shirt and heard your breath hitch, he cradled the side of your jaw to encourage you to open up to him more.

You sighed happily into the kiss and pressed yourself tighter to him and went to fully straddle his lap, but he beat you to it.

Hunter, without breaking away, rolled you so that you were on your back, and he was on top of you. He kissed you with the passion and love he could only express when the rest of his family were not around before he pulled away from your lips and began pressing doting kisses along your neck.

You felt his teeth graze your pulse point. Don’t get too carried away. You said, weaving your hands in his hair as you held back a groan and resisted the urge to roll your hips against his. The words were also a reminder for you- you both needed to remember where you currently were.

Hunter huffed out a disgruntled moan against your neck, but he stopped. However, he didn’t lie down next you again, he opted to rest his head on your chest instead.

His weight on you always acted as a secure and reassuring presence, so you always welcomed the position. It was also him offering you a degree of vulnerability and trust that he so rarely allowed himself to enjoy so it always made your heart swell when he showed this side of himself to you.

Hunter listened to the steady beat of your heart, each thump reminding him of what he was fighting for, of what he had to protect. “We need to keep you and Omega safe… and I think- I think Ventress is right. We can’t stay here.” He whispered.

“We’ll talk about it more tomorrow.” You murmured as you tenderly ran your fingers through his hair and across his scalp. You felt him release a relaxed sigh at your actions. “Right now, we need to get some sleep.”

“I love you.” He mumbled sleepily as he got lost in your touch and let the tiredness overwhelm him.

“I love you too.” You replied as you closed your eyes.

Next Chapter>

Tagging: @noeasyisnoisy, @arctrooper69, @dominoeffectsworld, @andreaaxy, @notgonnaedit, @superbookishhufflepuff , @jellybeanstacey0519 , @nightmonkeysstuff

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nosferatini · 1 month ago

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AO3 Ask Game

Thanks to @addledmongoose for the tag and @cheeseplants for the game!

What fandoms do you write in?

Good Omens. Although I have some Good Omens crossovers with other fandoms. One of my works was a multiverse one-shot with characters from GO, Doctor Who, OFMD, Buffy and Batman.

How many words have you published in 2024?

According to AO3 (which I just learned does statistics by year? lol) I published 435,127 words.

What is your greatest achievement this year?

Well...

I could either talk about fics or podfics here. But if I'm going with fic I'll talk about how far I've come with The Season of Nightingales, my main longfic, which has only two chapters to go.

But I've made some major strides with voice acting and making podfics for some of the wonderful folks in the Good Omens fandom, and I think that's more of an "achievement" than simply something I'm proud of, like progressing my longfic :) I'm especially proud of finishing both my Factory Settings Podfic and Someone is Calling Him Shorewards earlier this year.

What are your top three fics you’ve written this year?

The Season of Nightingales (Good Omens Post S2 Plot-with-Fluff Fix-it, currently at 168k with two weekly chapter updates to wrap it up)

Reversed Veil of Worlds - A Little History (Good Omens Angst, 2/5 chapters published based on @daneecastle's Reversed Veil of Worlds comic series, which if you haven't read you should totally go check out! [Starts HERE!])

Unhallowed Providence (Reverse Omens Gothic AU based on @theonevoice's GORGEOUS demon Aziraphale and angel Crowley art—I've published one chapter and have the story pretty well plotted for the rest, just need to finish Season of Nightingales first!)

What was your biggest pit of despair moment?

There was no one moment... not related to writing or Podficcing. Just the slow and steady realization that I was booking myself for too much stuff and in no way have time to keep up with it all lol.

What have you learned?

....I have a really bad case of FOMO.

What fic did you want to do but never made it off the ground?

I have a little side fic started about Crowley saving the runaway unicorn, and a Coney Island (excuse the period typical term "freakshow") human AU that I have a plot for and no time to write, especially not now that I've signed up for two wonderful artist collabs that are going to be my priority once I finish Nightingales.

Did you beta any fics? Any favs you want to shout out?

Yes! I've beta'd for @dbacklot99, @wingsofopal, and more short one-off projects for various GOAD Writers Guild writers than I could remember at gunpoint lol.

What three fics have you read this year that you love?

If I have to pick three, I'll name the longfics, because there's no possible way I could choose between them and all the incredible one shots and short series that I've read this year. I would recommend anything that I've podficced (which is the vast majority of my AO3 Profile right now) but I'll shout out these three longies in particular:

Someone is Calling Him Shorewards by @harlotofupdog (podfic)

2. A Little Life by @gaiaseyes451 (beware the angst tags... but damn it's good)

3. Friday I'm in Love by NooRose93 (podfic - wip)

What ideas are percolating for next year?

Fics in my queue:

I gotta finish Unhallowed Providence and A Little History first. Someday maybe I'll get to the Coney Island AU...

Podfics in my queue:

Stuck on You by @zin-lynn-c

Mon Horrible Chéri by @mrghostrat

And the Podfic for The Season of Nightingales

there might be a chance of me looking into doing Or Be Nice and maybe a couple of others that I was recced and haven't read yet, but I haven't actually asked the author(s) so don't quote me on that lol.

Who do you want to thank?

@paperclipninja for the absolute knockout musical compositions she has created for some of my podfics!

My beta readers: @addledmongoose, @dbacklot99, @wingsofopal @demonsandpieohmy and NooRose93 (aka blackjeans93)!

My beta listeners: @theonewiththeshippinggoogles and @firstvisittoearth @wingsofopal and others from the various chats who have added their comments after listening!

@daneecastle and the @theonevoice for inspiring me with their comic and/or art and for being wonderful friends to collaborate with!

@elenthyaolyenths for making me pretty logos!

@outrageousring5655 for making prolific podfics so I can absorb more fanfiction than I ever could on my own!

All of my amazing friends from the @goodomensafterdark Writers Guild and @whickberstreetwriters

All of the people who have taken the time to leave lovely, encouraging comments on my fics and podfics. I keep the best comments in my inbox even after replying, because some of the things you've said have warmed my heart, inspired me, or are just generally something to treasure.

A fond, no pressure tag to @gaiaseyes451, @wingsofopal @lemon-tart-221, @adverbian @paperclipninja and @dbacklot99 if you would like to play :)

#ao3 fanfic #good omens fanfic #fanfiction writer #tag game

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commissionspartybus · 5 months ago

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I (politely) demand more batman stuff, this idea sounds great

S2 ending, they grab a briefcase and set it correctly to go back home. Hand in hand, ready to fix their lives once again and finally avoid the apocalypse.

Out of hundreds of briefcases, they grab the one missing a wire.

Using it should have killed them but stabilization came from Viktor, and not ending up stranded in space time is thanks to Five. Instead they hit the right year, right time, completely wrong universe.

They scare the shit out of the family living in the house they landed in, but otherwise are fine. Grabbing a newspaper - which was frankly ridiculously harder than expected - and realizing that they are in the world of a comic series? Less of a shock, more of a yelling match of whose fault this is.

Three factions emerge: those who want to go to the JL for help, those who rather fix this by themselves, and those who Do Not Fucking Care As Long As Something Is Done.

Diego and Luther belong to the first camp, Five and Viktor in the second. Allison and Klaus firmly in the third. So they do what they do best and split up, because this family cannot agree on a Single Goddamn Thing.

Ben, meanwhile, remembered a little girl on a tricycle who made fun of him and said without a box set he was boring. Ben then woke up again in a body in some mad scientists basement who apparently is trying to make people out of clay and science because some woman apparently was made that way. Ben is having a Shit Fucking Time.

Luther and Diego go off together to do their plan, but argue about who to approach. Viktor, who came with them purely because he happened to be in the same room during this, is displeased. Diego throws a fit and goes to Gotham while Luther, who also throws a fit, goes to Metropolis. Viktor also goes to metropolis because there really is an excellent program there for newfound metas run by some guy named Lex Luthor and he might as well get a head start on the whole powers thing.

Lex actually stops by once or twice and is really nice to Viktor, offers him additional resources and even employment. Hopefully not something he'll have to worry about but it's nice to see actual rich people be kind.

Luther drops Viktor off to these meetings though and remembers lex luthor. Luther goes to the library to double check this lex luthor is The Lex Luthor and discovers The Internent. Luther cannot believe what people are saying about his childhood hero online. Who has the gall to disrespect Superman? This cannot stand. This will not stand. Luther will make people realize how great superman is.

Diego on the other hand has a plan. He was thrown in a asylum before and has no interest in doing that again, which he's sure will happen if he just says the truth. No, he has to impress Batman. Only then will he be considered Sane and Truthful. This has nothing to do with wanting Actual Batman to think he's cool, no way. He needs to become a vigilante in Gotham and Become A Bat.

Five and Allison stick together- well, more like Allison sticks to Five because she'll be damned If it takes another fifty years to get back home. No, anytime he's out of her sight he does dumb shit that always has an apocalypse attached to it. Her morals are also starting to slip and she wants both an enabler and support beam in Five. Road trip to all the notable places in America harboring Magical and Scientific Shit to speed up the process.

Klaus originally joined roadtrip duo but upon a stop he noticed the most gorgeous man who was also the ugliest fucking thing he'd seen all weak. Like two malformed cats having an orgy. It was instantaneous, he Needs to either fuck that guy or find out what his deal is. This is his destiny. This Is Who He Is Meant To Find.

The justice league, meanwhile, have not gone blind to the families antics. Their main concern is the two metas going around and swiping objects of high value and power- the woman with her power to make anyone do as she says and the boys spatial jumps are unnerving. With no idea on their reasoning and the potential of the boy being an unwillingly accomplice (they are, after all, very clearly not related and with the woman's power she could just be using the boy to achieve her own ends through his) it is in their highest priority to finish this through.

Except it Is hard to focus due to extenuating circumstances.

Clark Kent thinks he's dealing with a stalker and is completely unprepared on how to actually. Deal With That. Luthor keeps taunting about how humans will reign superior and shit about legacy - will he have to keep a closer eye on Conner? Will his clone/son/brother/science gone wrong even accept it? Who Fucking Knows.

Bruce's kids keep sending him tiktoks about the newest wannabe vigilante getting his shit rocked near constantly, which isn't distracting enough to quiet the thoughts in his head that the mystery boy stealing artifacts has enough features reminiscent of his grandfather (Thomas Wayne's father) to be suspicious. And that Azrael has gone missing, again.

John Constantine is on the run from the amalgamation of gods regrets personified, and he interested in finding out what it wants with him, personally. Having some murderous church kid tag along with him because "through you (John) will lead me to what God has tasked me to find" doesn't make this shit worse at all, nope.

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mulders-too-large-shirt · 7 months ago

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s2 episode 13 thoughts

so i read the description of this episode and i was thinking to myself, yeah, this one seems believable. i keep loosely acquainted with the drama of the funeral world, and after learning of the harvard morgue scandal of last summer, i was like. well. the truth echoes art, i guess.

but that was the POINT of the episode- that the real world is scary, even without vampires and bigfoot!

so we begin with a funeral for a poor little girl. and it is an open casket, which is upsetting, and these little kids that i assume were her classmates are looking in. and then to make it even MORE upsetting, this creepy man working the event shows up and starts... touching her hair...

boy, i hope that child actress got a fat check for that very uncomfy bit part.

next we see a man eating an ice pop in the embalming room, to which i say: king. and he's hearing some weird stuff, and who emerges but... donnie!

(donnie's the guy who was stroking her hair... and he's holding scissors... and the girl's hair is scattered all over the floor...)

donnie briefly morphed into a demon, and ice pop man banishes donnie from his realm upon realizing he cut the little girl's hair. he says "i should report you" but i don't think he actually did.

(PRO TIP: if you are in a workplace where this type of event happens, please do file a report)

anyway. agent time. they're arriving in a graveyard. and i saw a gif this morning of mulder lifting the caution tape up so scully can get her umbrella in!!! it is suuuuch a cute moment. and a tiny consolation for the agony the rest of this episode produced.

the policeman is blabbering on about aliens and says to mulder, "you know andy" and he says "no i don't" "well, he knows you" which is sooooo funny. another example of mulder being famous amongst the nerd population.

poor scully looks absolutely horrified at this little girl's desecrated body...

and while the policeman thinks it's aliens, which may be a first, mulder does not, which again may be a first, because he says he's seen cases like this before

"you okay, scully?" he asks, noticing that she is Not Okay, but seeming unsure of how to approach the situation. she insists that she is, and perhaps he accepts this at face value.

they share an umbrella <3 but whilst doing this she's deeply shaken, and says she's surprised he isn't bothered. he says he prepared himself, and i thought he was going to elaborate on what preparing yourself for a case like this looks like, but he didn't

and she's shocked that they drove all the way here for a case that isn't aliens... why did we come here then?

because he got them tickets to a football game. LMAOOOOO this man........... football date night. it does not sound pleasurable to me but maybe watching his nerdy face light up would make up for the misery. i was giggling here. he wanted to take her out and show her his culture.

okay so now we're back to donnie. he's applying for a new job. he says he used to be a cosmetologist.

NOOOOO they had to miss their game because there are more bodies dug up and violated... and since this took place in the 90's they didn't even have facebook marketplace to try and sell their tickets beforehand... this is truly a devastating loss </3

and did they show a football player with the same name as the dude who runs this show... you can't sneak that stuff by me...

scully has to walk out after seeing the pictures of the crime scene and i'm already so deeply sad for her but oh boy, past me, wait a bit and see where all this goes!

mulder says that the police need to put an alert out NOW and the policeman is all "well we don't have a whole lot of guys on the squad so it might take awhile :(" THEN HURRY??? mulder says he thinks this dude is gonna kill someone and you're gonna complain about lack of resources???? WORK OVERTIME???

poor scully is sososo shaken and mulder pops his head out to where she was sitting... he says he'll cancel their plane tickets so they can stay longer and she's just staring out into the distance... SOMEONE HELP MY QUEEN PLEASE

then we get a glasses and takeout moment as the agents come up with a profile for a guy who steals body parts from dead people

donnie sees a woman on the side of the road- a working woman, if you will- and he takes her back to his place. and this woman is sooo pretty. but he's running her a bath and marty i'm scared.

(wait i just realized i can straight up insert the reaction images i'm referring to on here)

HE IS OBSESSED WITH HAIR... first the little girl's, and now he asks this woman if she needs shampoo for chemically treated hair...

he goes to take a phone call- congrats, you got the job- and she sees his room is FILLED with wreaths from funerals. and she might be naked but i was still yelling at the screen GIRL YOU NEED TO RUN!!!!!!

well. we cut to body time. so we know how that went. it is a spectacularly bloody body. and our freak has escalated from desecrating graves to killing real people.

mulder wants to go look at the body and asks scully to come but she can't bring herself to do it. WHY IS NO ONE NOTICING THE STRESS SHE IS IN. HOW CAN WE TAKE STEPS TO AID HER.

(i think that mulder is trying his best to Not Make A Big Deal out of her visible distress to make her feel better, and instead just gives her space and respects her lack of desire to discuss the whole thing. because there is no way he doesn't actually notice)

now donnie is on the job as a grocery deliveryman. which i am familiar with as i do use doordash occasionally. but the woman whose house he's delivering too just. LETS HIM IN??? to pack up the groceries. is this how the job worked at the time... can anyone confirm or deny... because i'm trying to imagine welcoming the doordash or instacart guy coming in and putting the food away for me... and i feel my skin crawl... what a textbook murder situation...

and if that isn't bad enough, the woman tells donnie they have 3 daughters and leave the backdoor open........ this does not bode well for the plot....

he asks to go to their bathroom and he digs through their trash to find a clump of hair and he SNIFFS it and then pockets it... we need someone to deal with this man with a QUICKNESS.

scully is in autopsy mode now, and unlike her usual very professional self, she looks like she is going to pass out conducting this one. which is remarkable because she has seen some nasty stuff, but this is what puts her over the edge.

in her report, she's writing about how every autopsy tells the story of a life, and that being killed for someone to take a piece of your body is perhaps the most dehumanizing death imaginable

someone who saw this freak donnie says that he looked like an ordinary guy, so this is gonna be a tough search. so mulder is going into deep psychoanalysis mode, saying it must be driven by a very intense hatred of women. which seems fair. i'll trust the oxford trained fellow.

now donnie is in class and he sees a woman and we know what's coming, but when he approaches her and tries to get creepy, she kicks him away and manages to run!!!! thank god honestly we could use a victory.

the phone wakes up scully from a nightmare where she sees the same demon we saw earlier and also SHE was the one on the autopsy table- but mulder says they have a suspect at the station. and i'm like, yes! they're gonna get him!

but it isn't him that they get! they brought someone else in, and we SEE donnie watching their interview moment and this was the narrative taunting me

mulder can no longer try and ignore scully being so on edge, and he says "scully, if you're having trouble with this case, i want you to tell me" and my first reaction was, king, do you have eyes, she has been about to collapse this whole time. but now i see he is doing the best he can to put the ball in her court, and yet she STILL denies it. lies straight to his face.

"i'm not having trouble", she says <- okay so we all see that this isn't true but i respect that he's trying to be mindful of her boundaries. however i would have been like hey queen let's get you out of here <3

"i just don't want you to think you have to hide anything from me", he says, and i kiss each of my fingers like i just savored a delicious meal, because that is EXACTLY what i wanted this man to say. mmm angst. just what i had ordered.

so donnie is asking the guy who DID get questioned what they were talking to him about, and what their names were, and he remembers scully's name because she has the same name as a baseball announcer i guess? and then they let the donnie go -_-

she goes back to DC to get a fingerprint read on the body but says something about maybe not flying back to the case that night... she did NOT want to be there!!!!!

at this point we learn that the FBI has an on sight therapist, which honestly makes perfect sense... but man. this scene.

she's referring to herself in the second person, talking about how you have to become used to seeing death in med school and in fbi, and she's distancing herself to try and cope. and the therapist brings up losing her father and her coma, and asks if she feels uncomfortable with her partner, and she's like no, i trust him with my life.

wow. that's incredible. but!

"i don't want him to feel like he has to protect me"

and i cannot imagine a world in which mulder, the protector, would ever NOT try and guard those he loves like some sort of snarling beast. but she must still feel horrible after just coming out of a coma, and he had been so scared to welcome her back, let her come on the missions, she had to PROVE herself, and she can't make herself feel guilty knowing he'll see her as something to protect.

(as if there was ever going to be another way)

so yeah i was basically barking at the screen here.

she says she's lost faith, and she needs it back. and where do you get faith these days?

but, while she was away, they found a print. she calls mulder to tell him this and decides that she'll fly back that night.

"anyway, you could use my help" "always" <- what if i started crying.

but someone called for her while she was away... and i knew it was that donnie freak........... foreshadowing....

so the agents trace the prints to donnie and bust into his house, where they find his endless funeral wreaths and even a FINGER in the fridge, but no donnie

and this is just as scully is arriving from the airport AND DONNIE IS STALKING HER. and i wrote, donnie, i will get u with my bare hands.

and he HITS HER CAR and DRIVES HER OFF OF THE ROAD and then mulder comes to the scene and they find her car but no SCULLY

back at donnie's place, he is running a bath and my screen was dark enough to see my face in the reflection and it could best be described as looking like that dizzy emoji. "oh girl i am UNCOMFY", i wrote, but in a sort of horror way that you expect from the genre.

she's tied up in his closet and sees him as a DEMON again which is more evidence that she has had to endure SO MUCH and i'm getting duane berry flashbacks with the gag in her mouth and i'm feeling a profound level of defensiveness for a person who does not exist

mulder is stressed, there are no witnesses, and he's pissed, he says "there are people that can videotape police beatings on darkened streets, they manage to spot elvis in 3 cities across america every day, but no one saw a pretty woman being forced off the road in her rental car"

AUGHHHH his bloodhound nature, need to find answers, is kicking in again.

(and also he thinks she's pretty)

so back at donnie's place, he is approaching rapidly with a knife, and mulder is sleuthing. the car they found was donnie's mother's car, so maybe they're at donnie's mother's place... but he is PICKING UP THE KNIFE AS MULDER SPEAKS

he ASKS ABOUT HER HAIR to properly shampoo it which is SO FREAKY but she manages to BREAK AWAY by shoving him into the tub. yes yes those FBI agent skills are kicking in!!!

shes hiding and he yells "there's no way out, girly girl" which briefly took me out of the scene because i just know that he would have said "girly pop" if the writers had their hands on that phrase and it was distracting but still. STILL.

she's hiding in the closet and he opens the door and she SPRAYS HIM WITH ROACH SPRAY and runs and they're tussling about when...

MULDER BREAKS DOWN THE DOOR and sees her!!!! he's calling for paramedics while the policemen take care of donnie

and the first thing she says to him is "i'm okay", reassuring him despite her awful situation, perhaps referring to her mostly uninjured body, but she's shaking like a leaf, and she just keeps saying that she's fine, she's fine, until he lifts her chin up to look at her face...

and she starts SOBBING into his chest. he's got his fingers in her hair and he's mumbling "it's okay" to her again and again and. i could feel my heart melting. i was a mere puddle of a human being at this moment. it's okay. it's okay.

there is something i think you will understand that is so rich about seeing characters hit their breaking point. it tells the audience so much about them- here we see that scully's biggest fear is the evil that lies in the ordinary, in the idea that anyone could be a monster, that this is a world of constant fear, and how do you try and rationalize the things that humanity is capable of doing? how do you walk down the street knowing that someone, anyone that passes you by could be a devil, metaphorically speaking? and she doesn't have the luxury of believing that it could be some outside force- some aliens, or evil vampires- manipulating people into doing their bidding, like mulder does. she knows that it is flesh and blood people that she sees everyday at the grocery store or next door or even those she autopsies, that do horrific things. and that there is a capacity for that in anyone, and no way to keep yourself or those you love entirely safe. what is there in this cold world of facts if there isn't faith? and again, where do you get more faith when you run out?

(and, of course, her deep and terrible fear of needing protection. needing to rely on someone that isn't just herself. of inadequacy. how scary that must be for a person who sees the terror in the rest of the world)

so yeah. love to see a character break. and i love it even MORE when we get to see someone they love comfort them. hurt/comfort trope remains undefeated.

the episode ends with mulder writing the case report and talking of very similar things as i just rambled on about- about humans being demons, and demons being what humanity comes up with to explain that- but this is delivered over a slideshow of donnie's childhood pictures to emphasize how he was just the boy next door, except that honestly he looked like young sheldon. so i was a bit taken out of the whole thing.

so yeah. this episode did not leave me with the warmest and fuzziest of feelings, but in terms of horror it was definitely one of the scariest so far, again because the entire lack of supernatural causes. i mean you could choose to interpret that this guy genuinely WAS a demon, but i think that defeats the purpose of the episode and scully's character study we get as a result. i was spooked, but we still had some good moments, such as attempted football date.

overall, i thought this episode was great. and we could talk about how the creepy killer was super queer coded, and discuss if this was done in bad faith, which could be an interesting conversation- but i find it not entirely relevant to the overarching theme. like, the scary part was that he wanted to keep your fingers, not that he called scully "girly girl", and i didn't get the sense that those two things were being equated in the episode.

now give me 10 beach episodes, or perhaps a journey to a museum, or a spa, or the mountains, or an ice-skating trip with matching scarves worn by our agents, or a day at the mall. really i don't ask for a lot!

#scully my beloved #and mulder also my beloved who is doing his absolute best #trying to think what i would do if i were in his situation because you KNOW scully does not want someone to feel bad for her #and trying to tell her to stay away from the case will only piss her off even if you genuinely have the purest of intentions #and she's too smart to try and trick by saying “oh they need you back at hq to do this certain thing”#so yeah i see why he did what he did. tried to let her talk about it on her own. why would she lie to him after everything?#sigh. but she does! they're so entangled within each other #can't tell him she's scared because he'll worry. can't tell her he can see she's scared because he'll come off overbearing.#hopefully after this they will COMMUNICATE in an honest manner #like y'all have seen each other shot and in comas and soaked in blood. feelings r gonna be okay i promise.#juni's x files liveblog #2x13 #the x files #txf

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